Copyright by Mary S. Ahmed
Online I have met so many people. Some of them will always be with me like shining stars even if they are not with me.
Once many many years ago I went back to Lindsay as a teenager and tried to strike up what was lost as a child with the first love of my life: Sheila. When I saw her again so much time and experience had passed between that, although we got along well, something was forever lost.
Someone once said that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but that only works if the absence is permanent and the fondness is the myth of memory. When you meet again you begin again as if you never met.
I have myths of online memory. The first time I was ever on computer in 2005 to pass time while quite ill at my parents house I played to be younger and posted older photos of myself to escape. I did not see that the computer could be as real in it’s own way as life. While searching for a friend I found a poet hidden in a group and became instantly attached. To this day I cannot tell you what sort of relationship we had except that it was intense and amazing and to my memory it will always be like a jewel set in a crown. We have met again, and like so long ago it is as if we never met. These jewels cupped in my hands that run from my fingers are each precious to me. Each a kind of mythical amazment that lives in me forever. How can I tell that one is more precious than another? There is such beauty in those that have given a part of themselves to me and I to them. As the moon pulls the tides so do these gems get pulled away and then washed back to shore to find in sparkling radiance once more…as new and strange the second time as the first time.
I would not be able to understand how sweet the expression feels if I had nothing of it’s opposite to compare it to. So even evil has it’s place to direct one towards what is awesome.
Some of you will stay and some will go. Some I may not see but from time to time. Some I see often. Some I never see but live in my heart all the time. I wish there was some way to let all of you know I love you so much. There is no way to give that much love…so I have to let God love you for me. My love will never be big enough….
All too often when people think of love they think of romance. Real love has very little to do with that. Romance also has it’s place, but real love is who is there when you are sick….or poor….or fat….LOL!
I will always love Sheila. I will love every jewel in all the many different facets love has shown me over all the years of my life, for in every facet of every mythical gem I have loved I see my own face. It does not matter anymore who believes it or disbelieves it……
…..I believe it.