We just passed three days of an active solar cycle with radio IV type events and we are heading into the deepest geomagnetic storm watch I have yet seen. An almost full cream faced moon rises right in the front door of my little home. My Greymalkin is curled on the best in his ‘nest’ and the soft, cool breeze blows through my home through the screens on the door and the back window both of which are open. In the distance is the echo of the sound of the laughter of small children from the church across the street and my cement ramp is drying. I am imagining taking this powerchair to the small cafe that I could have once run to in less than five minutes or the opposite direction to the small park that butts up against the raw farmland that surrounds us….Bad news and good news comes and goes all day but fades at this moment as the idea of going OUT, by MYSELF, is presented to me.
I found out today the fellow that poured my ramp knows alot of the people we used to party with and even had heard of me and I of him although we both left the party long before it ended…he began to tick off the names of those who had died and those who were still around. His helper said,
“You were married to MO-JO! I was in Canadian County Jail with him! He helped me out by using his money that you and his mother left him to call my family so that they would know where I was! Thank you!”
I looked at him….Tall and thin and toothless…doubtless from Methamphetamine…The doctor I saw today was from the same town the three youngest siblings were born in and the place that Paradise, I hope, has in it’s boundaries for me. People from my past are all coming home like birds do to roost.
The night is so peaceful and calm. Mom screaming about a reciept I lost and my sisters dying dogs that mom has cried for all day and given the last of her money to save…the young people from my facebook list who are moving on and leaving me for real life…all of this fades now some how.
I just went to look again at the moon’s face. There is a rabbit there in this year of the rabbit and I too am a Chinese rabbit. This makes me laugh. There is an old translation of a Japanese song for children I used to love to sing…I will give you the english version here:
“Pyom pyom pyom rabbbits jump, What are they jumping for? They are jumping Pyom pyom pyom…watch them jump for the shining moon!”
Whatever this life brings will be. Yes I can make choices but things will come I cannot control: weather, acts of Nature, other people…why is there some joy here now even in the pain? I wish I had the answer.
I miss you, those who are gone and leaving, I miss you but I have lived long enough to know this is the way of things…I have to go to the door again once more and smell the night fall and listen to the dog bark and the people depart the grass…