3 AM

Hell Oh River,

‘No rest for the wicked’ this morning…I think the skin on my face will crack. Very few will care.

Funny how everyone knows they are right. They all know the answers. I don’t know any of them. All I know is nothing…

Who goes to heaven?

The one who makes a smile and comforts or the one that tells you all you need to change? Who is so holy that they know?

Not allowed to laugh too much joke too much cry too much complain  too much…what exactly IS too much? Anymore it seems that it is a ‘my life sucks the worst’ contest with a suicide threat tossed on like a cherry…Call a real life brother crying and they say they have a call they have to take…hahaha…guess I need bigger boobs and a smaller waist to get any sympathy. I know one gal that cries when she breaks a nail and all the guys on her page are all “Awwww baby that is so teribble let me come get you!” I cry cause I have a bloody broken heart and get the, “Hey stop thinking of yourself and do this ’cause this is why I don’t kill myself.” People think I can’t see the difference? Nope Me no princessa that is for DAMN sure and if I damned that forever by saying it that way well it ‘aint like it hasn’t already BEEN that way! I have had it up to my chin with know-it-all holy rollers! I guess that makes me bad…maybe this is a lack of sleep and a really sore face speaking…but every word is as real as the pain in my back and shoulders and the constant sneezing and the fucked-up thinking and insanity that runs this world into the proverbial ground ’til I don’t care if I am coming or going….

….yeah I am pissed off.

not pissed off at peoples good hearts….not pissed off at true good intent…I am PISSED OFF AT RAGING STUPIDITY!

(That includes me of course ’cause if I was smart I would not give a happy rats ass what anyone thought about me and I guess this is one of those rare times I do not.)

It is never enough. I LOVE and LOVE and it is still not enough. I am not enough ______ for someone…so many have something to say about what is wrong with me….(none of them can seem to come to an agreement about that…) and the few that love me how I am I am so grateful for they can not possibly have any idea….



(not that it matters of course)

The first REAL LIFE person that is compatible with me who comes along I JUST MIGHT FOLLOW THEM WHEREVER THEY ARE GOING!

Sheesh I am effing tired…but no one is gonna go “AWWWWWW” except for maybe K-Baba (bless him) or A-Islam (bless him too) and I wish one of ’em was around right now in real life…might make this rage go away….but then one cannot have it all I guess…..

Kiss My Tree
Kiss My Tree

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