Be Longing To Belong


I guess about as close as anywhere on earth my mind-set belongs is the East; But to live there with any success I would have to be a guy. I might end up dead otherwise and I am not a guy so I really don’t belong anywhere. If we had stayed in the mapless farm town I think maybe my life might have been alot more sucessful in some ways. Probably would have married Roy and had kids. If I had stayed in the Evil Town I might be in a mental institution right now rocking back and forth drooling at a wall. If I had stayed in the Ranch Town I might have ended up a fortune teller on the outskirts of town shot dead in the night after a fortune gone bad. If I had stayed in the City I might have died early like coke whores do: Used up and toothless with a kid or two in some foster home somewhere. I do not know what would have happened to me if we had stayed in the Border Town or the Butter Town where there is a huge butter factory in Texas. I was too young to think such things and we were too poor. I probably would have been fluent in Spanish in either case but…???? Instead I landed in Czechtown long enough to be halfway normal and realize I am not square or round and there is no cubby I fit into…..unless it can be written. I learned to have friend for the first and last time in my life….I know where I DON’T belong:

Parties

Huge crowds

Concerts (unless someone is there to hide behind and that might take two people at this point)

In front of ANY group trying to give a lecture (unless I am behind a screen and even then have an ambulance handy)

In a Child Care Center (babies scare me)

There are a few places I belong:

Home with one or two good friends,

In the arms of someone who loves me,

At a desk writing anything at all.

The exciting days are over now….at least I have the desk and the means to write….

Other than that…..hang on…..”KHAAAMOOOSHIIIII…I am SO LONLEY! Get your butt over here MAINTENT!”

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