The Evil Turd Woman


The Evil Turd Woman
by Irishasia Roshani

One morning a woman went outside and discovered a neighbor’s animal has distributed a large, foul-smelling turd in her front yard. The other woman’s yard was full of shit….and it stank to the high heavens!She saw the woman come outside and went to her and said, “Could you please remove the turd from my lawn? I believe one of your animals left it there.” The woman looked at her like she was a nutcase! “Pick up your own turds!,” the woman snarled! She was taken aback and then very angered…she told everyone in the neighborhood about this awful woman who was rude and screamed at her! The animal woman heard of this and sent a pet over ON PURPOSE to doodle on her lawn! Why there were flies already buzzing around the first pile and a new outrageous pile began! The woman began to stay up all night to catch her evil neighbor in the act! She lost sleep. She got sick. She was so focused on this evil womans turds! All of the neighbors began to comment about how animal woman was the worst neighbor anyone could possibly have…

One day came a man walking down the street….he saw the people quaralling with her over the fence. She was saying…”These are MY animals and MY yard and they can crap all over it if they want to I love them!,” then she looked at her next door neighbor and said, “And YOU, miss-nose-in-the-air-you-are-superior-to-me-and – pets….you can go and pick up those turds yourself!” and with that the animal woman stomped back inside her house and slammed the door!

The neighbors were shocked! They went to the nice lady and said, “We are so sorry!”, The man came and said, “I will clean it off your lawn for you…no trouble…” “NO!!!” the woman cried out! “The whole world should see these turds!….these turds are a sign of the injustice done to me! The whole world will know what an evil woman she is! The turds will STAY!”……

Well the evil woman heard this and got very angry and started to send her animals over every night! Every night the other woman would beat the animals back into the right yard…she got so sick fighting these turds that she was hospitalized…

She had spies spy on the evil turd lady and turds began to show up on THEIR lawns and make them angry! Soon every yard in the whole neighborhood had a turd in it somewhere….

One old man had a solution. He said, “Ignore the turds.” The people said, “Why? She is wrong and evil!”, “well”,said the old man, “She may be evil but payin’ attention to her isn’t workin’ is it?” “Yes” the people said,”What we are doing is not helping anything it is getting worse!” So they agreed with the old man to ignore the shit and the evil turd woman. It was hard at first. She would make remarks at everyone who passed by like, “Your yard sure stinks alot!”, but the people resolutely ignored her….it was true…the whole neighborhood stank like a crowded pasture…but they ignored her. Even the first woman who started the fight ignored her….

One day a big rainstorm came. It rained for days and soon all the shit had melted away….it had been a long time since anyone had bothered the evil turd woman. everyone had clean yards that bloomed and grew unusually well that year! Her yard was full of crap but everyone left her alone with it…

One day the old man was walking down the street just as the nice lady was leaving her doorway…there…in the lawn…was a large stinking pile.
The nice lady started to call for her next door neighbor and the old man hulla’d her…”MAAM! LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT!” and he got the hose out and blew the offense back over into the other yard with a stream of water and never said a word to the evil turd lady…he turned to the nice lady and said…

“Never get mixed up in other people’s crap….it will get all over you every time!”

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