Are you a Cockaroach?

“Maaaannnnn  check it dude!”

“Eh wot.” Junior Mant was busy eating with the maggots.

“It’s a headless hole! Maaan imma go make some babies dude!”

“Suitcherself buddy I am muchin”

‘Weevil’ looked all around. It was SOOOOOO delightful these days! No poisonous peanut butter! No hiding in walls! No big feet and huge ugly screaming soft things with no shell of thier own screaming, “KILL IT KILL IT!” Now the slug things were all dead and burnt to a nice crispy brown. The fat ones were the tastiest! He felt bad for the headless female. That was some huge boom! Poor thing. The least he could do was give her children!

Maaaaannn that was like HEAVY! First the firballs went up everywhere and alot of his buddies were fried too! The the big slug things that used to kill ’em all the time were gone. They died slow some of them. Some of them even ate his buddies before they died! It was a bad time even for him! But whatever invisable thing killed them did not hurt the ones left of his buddies at all…it was weird but the more babies they made the bigger and stronger and smarter those babies were! he was gonna make alot of babies! The big slugs called it ‘Radiation’….so now that everything was dead and even the feeding maggots were dying too the roaches were going to take over the world and Weevil knew it. He went and said to the poor headless one,

“Hey I know you don’t know anything without your head but you are gonna have kids smarter that both of us!” And he got after it and left pleased that he had done his best.

Radiation.Maaaaan…..that must be the name of the Great Spirit. He knew about the ‘Big Bang.’ It must happen every few million years ’cause that was one DAMN big bang! (He could read the old slugs books a little bit if he stood far enough away from them……)


She came out of the egg case with all her bothers and sisters and they scuttled quickly to the feast of flesh rotting everywhere. She did not know where she came from or if she had a name but for some reason she and her sibs could speak immediately. There was a GREAT WORD in her baby mind: ‘Weevil!’ and so she sat and thought about it before she ran to the rotting bodies. As she thought things seemed to automatically arrange themselves in her head.


She said to herself as she watched her family eating. Some of them were crying out with delight at the dead maggots! She looked at the eggcase and where it came from; a headless one such as herself. No head. No name. No information. She came from Weevil. What and where was Weevil?

She chittered to all her group even as the hunger hit her that she must eat NOW. Reluctantly they tore themselves away from the feast and made a circle around her. Slowly at first, and then with growing conviction, she began her speech as her Heritage gave her voice,

“We are born to a nameless female with no history!” They looked at her some laughing and some oddly and some with a dawning understanding in thier own eyes…..

“But we DO have a history and the History is called WEEVIL! So I ask all who wish to join me and form the Weevil Clan! Our duty is to find Weevil and the old ones and get their history and remember it so it can be born again in our children! The nameless female will be called ‘Radiant’ for where she came from!”  The litte girl cockroach almost broke her brain thinking it but suddenly it came!

“We came from the Radiant Light that happened when there was a Big bang!”

Those that did not laugh at her and leave or lazily go back to eating dead flesh and maggots drew near to her. They could dimly recall the great words too. They made sense. She was happy now. She had a family. She waved her antennae at them with joy and those young ones waved back and they all touched anntentae as they denied themselves food for the sake of thier new queen.

“Let’s all go feast!” she laughed with joy finally breaking her…

The Official Queen

The family she led and taught about ‘The Big bang’ and the ‘Radiant Almighty’ and how the world was created in one day the family wanted her to be thier official leader as they looked for ‘the Old Ones’ and so the ‘Weevil’ Clan decided to vote to allow her to make all the judgements. She has mixed feelings about this as they crawled, together, over death and rot and ate and ate in thier new paradise and they thought they would live forever. The read the books of the ‘slugs’ and learned to paint the letters with blood and rot with thier attenae to a respectable size. They learned about the great ‘cities’ and things that flew in the air and they laughed. They said,

“We have wings and can fly already many of us are pilots! We need no machine! This is why we rule now because the Great Radiant saw we are superior and destoyed the evil ones by fire!” However, there were times when there was power left in a city and a machine would speak words, sometimes great words that they had come to understand as they learned languages and they knew that even if the evil slugs were gone….thier spirits were still around like……


Demons had to be placated. Sometimes they heard of whole clans being smashed as a building collapsed when the demons made the ground shake when they walked free. They must be bound! They had to find the Old Ones. They had to find the great WEEVIL to KNOW. They cried out to thier queen to be saved from the evil demons! They decided all the clans should get together and meet.

“You must be our queen you must lead us you must save us!”

This is what they cried to her,

In the night as she thought about becomeing official she would talk to the radiant one and her follers would listen to her talking and tell stories about how she could talk to the ‘Great Spirit’ but she knew in the dark of night that even if she did that one was not answering. Still, the stories made her clan happy.

“Radiant One. I am just as they are. I am nothing more or less. Why did I get chosen to lead them to some new idea? I will do my best since this seems to be how…” As she talked in occured to her that the Radiant One must have planned all this. She bowed her head as the concept of ‘fate’ came upon her and she said, “So be it Almighty Radiant.” and she humbly went before the clan where they were bivouac’d out near a half blown away ‘res-taur-ant’ that, because it was for communal eating, must have been a sacred place. There was great joy among the clan as they prepared for the meeting and someone is the can yelled out, “WHAT SHALL WE CALL YOU!”

A new IDEA! Another new idea!

“Come Forth!”

She ordered the one who asked to come forth, Surely this one was a thinker like herself. Out of the crowded clan came an OLD ONE!

“Who are you Old One?”


The crowd roared It’s approval by rubbing chitonous wing coverings together!

She looked at the old one and he seemed familiar. He was not long to live it seemed but he looked at her as if he knew her as well.

“The Old One named Weevil is my consort and advisor!” She decreed, and motioned the Old One to come and be next to her and the crown clicked it’s approval once more.

“Tell me my name Old One….and tell all of us of the Great Beginning and what you saw!”

“You are ‘Anamika’,” he rasped out, and he began to tell the rapt crowd about the burning radiation of the Big Bang and how the evil ones were destroyed by the wrath of that nameless one and that, after today, no one should say the name ‘Radiation’ ever again unless they wishes that to be once more and kill them too.


Well time passed….many generations were born and died and each one was bigger and stronger than the last and intellect rose correspondingly. Soon the dead rotten feast was gone and had become a mythical legend told about The Big Bang and the Radiant one who made a world a paradise for cockroaches filling it with dead bodies and rotten things to delight the inhabitants this world was made for a the evil spirits of the slug people who were killed by the Great Fire and the slug demons that would feed delighful tasty poison butter to the Weevils in dreams and kill them. Many young Weevil Clan babies were told about these spirits and how you better be good and respect the laws and go to the Temple Rest Our Want and bring food and eat there with the community every day and pay your respects to the Mythical Queen Anamika and the First Weevil who came from the Nameless Great Creator that had no head and no features!

The first egg case was in a musuem and it was very small.

The Weevils had learned to build and make cities and had herds and farms and goof food now and there was even the story about how The Great Nameless one saw how they had become lazy and worthless and made the great Garden Of Rot dissappear and made the first Weevil Clan folks work for their food and that one day, if everyone was really good, There would once more be a such and amazing garden for all the good souls who did good and worked hard.


One day, a few thousand years later, in the City Of Radroach, there was a young male roach who was already a reknowned scholar. He knew all about the Big Bang and The Teachings of Old Weevil and the great leadership of The Daughter of the Nameless Queen. There was an argument between two camps; one side said that the queen just ‘came to be’ out of ‘nothing’ and was the same as the Great Radiant Spirit that killed the evil slugs with fire. That there were two ‘goddesses’ but they were really the same ‘goddeses’ and This young scholar thought that maybe there WAS a real ‘Queen’ once that was not a goddess at all and that the Great Radiant Spirit was a completely separate thing. Wars had been fought over this. No one believed in the Demon Slugs anymore and the Feast of Rot was a fearie tale that the Media Group ‘We Evil One’ made into a movie with dancing and music and such which made many of the conservatives who thought that two were one very very angry. He was very famous for being a conspiracy theorist and people laughed at him when he told them his theories of the origins of Life and the concept of ‘god’ so he got the Great Media Group ‘We Evil One’ to finance his expedition and they made it a veiwing media sensation under the ‘Extreme Insane Adventure’ catagory so that they could get max vewing! His Goal? To find the fables ‘Lost Books Of The Demon Slugs’ and see if there was any knowledge in them that would contribute to a true picture of the people’s beliefs. And so it was that the many-times-great great grandson of the the original Wise Old Weevil, (this he did not know), named ‘Chitter Bug’ was equipt and finanaced and started out towards a city that was believed to be buried under a great desert. A city called ‘Californication’ from the words of a song from the demon slugs once heard 1000’s of years ago from a machine, a machine that was anscient and not like the technology of today. He had heard that these slugs forced vegetables to sing and dance. These Vegetables became famous among the slugs of that old far away day. He did not know how the Slugs culd have such power to make a chili pepper come to life. They must have been powerful indeed! Before he left for his great journey he prayed,

“I do not know who or what you are Great Spirit but I want to know and so I ask that you guide me on this journey..”

The cameras were on him and people were laughing as he headed out into the Sand Lands where nothing grew or lived and broken sand glass was everywhere and soon the cameras lost interest and he was alone with his crew and what they carried with them to record the journey.

The Journey

As they left the main city hauling thier equipt on the backs of giant hop-a-longs, (Rabbits, along with other bugs and creatures, were also able to breed fast enought to adapt but they never grew ‘reasoning brains’), Chitter bug and Shutter bug, (the photo and video guy for We Evil One), began to chat as the city faded off into the distance. Most bugs did not come out this far. This was hot enough to cook alot of non-chitonous creatures but the hop-a-longs had adapted to the desert and thier long ears evolved to create shade and grew a leather like outer covering and thier large hind feet developed inner water bags and their claws has become quite formidable to dig in the sand for hidden water. Some of the intellectual types that Chitter knew had found bones they said proved that rabbits were once so small they weighed less than 20 pounds! Not THESE rabbits! These rabbits ate meat too! Any lizard they could pounce on and catch!

“So whatcha think yer gonna find Chitter?”

“Well the stories and writings say that the demons live underground. There are those who claim they have seen them first hand! They are huge and silver! They have glass heads! They are 6 feet tall and not close to the ground and sensible scutt’lers like we are but they only have TWO LEGS!”

“Sounds like ’bout a butt-ugly kind! So you b’lieve that fearie story stuff?”

“Well you know that just because you can’t SEE something does not mean it is not there! remember in the histories about the spiracle virus that caused the breathing to stop and us bugs were dropping dead by the thousands..well no one could SEE that until Micro Bug invented that telescope and could see the problem! There was a genius!”

“Yeah but they said he read the Slug Demon books to get his knowledge…..” Shutter trailed off thinking, “You know that is alot of chipped shell thinking! We invented that stuff ourselves! These cameras and this video equiptment and….”

So did Chitter and Shutter pass the journey arguing about the reality of the Big Bang and the Slug Demons and the underground city called ‘Californication’ by magical talking vegetables and how was it possible to even find HOW to find something when the knowledge for it was SO OLD that no one could even agree on it anymore…..

Morton The Demon Slug

The whole world was a huge, underground complex that was very old. They had DVD players with discs that were hundreds of years old and still worked. California had slid into the ocean, (which was a body of water SO HUGE Morton could not imagine it), and Japan too (he did not know what Japan was no body did.) This underground complex was in a place called ‘Area 51’ and no one was allowed to fight there. If they went to fighting they were put OUTSIDE. The bad humans, if they lived these days, grew to be mutants. In the ‘Old Days’ NO-ONE lived who was put OUTSIDE! The whole people he came from knew the old history of when humans, like themselves, blew up the whole earth with atomic weapons. Where Morton lived, in a locked up place where no one could go but the ‘Commanders’, there were books and DVD’s and films about how to make these, and other weapons. The Commanders jobs were to see that such things never were forgotten and also NEVER saw the world again! Morton had never seen OUTSIDE. Everything in the inside ran from power off the radiation from the OUTSIDE but a few centuries ago it started to give less power and men in special protective suits read the old books of ‘Holy War’ and in them were instructions on how to generate power so they were a famous part of history. Going out in that poison they were able to set up solar panels and reported a desert floor of glass and heat so hot that food could be cooked on the glass and they also reported GIANT bugs watching them with what looked like intelligence. They had tried to contact the bugs. (Morton has looked them up in an old old book and they sort of looked like ‘Cockroaches’ that exsisted when the world was still a paradise), This was from the time before the Lizard People who had decieved the ancient Commanders had not yet burned the world to a crisp forcing All Mellow Terra’s to remain below to survive. The ones who were brave and went to set the solar panels came back blind because the light OUTSIDE was too bright and they gave thier sight to make the underground world work for the people to come….yes they were brave and served by the people the rest of thier lives.

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