On Writing English Improperly Well


(This note is in no way meant to denigrate anyone’s writing abilities. This note is COMPLIMENTARY and dedicated to all the brave and awesome rebel souls who flout the grammar nazi’s in the name of Creativity.) 

If you are into ‘creative’ writing, (or you are just a deliberate rule-rebel), there are a few tips that come in handy to make you appear learned-in-spite-your-mistakes.  Just reading this and seeing how it is written contains clues…

Spelling is a huge issue to many. If you regularly miss spell words miss spell them CONSISENTLY! Make it look deliberate! I have a few words I enjoy miss spelling like ‘jelouse’, ‘candal’, and ‘majick’. If you miss spell a word miss spell it ALL the time and tell people you ‘meant to do that,’ It drives grammar nazi’s crazy but you have the right to be creative.

To put the verb at the end of a sentence: ok it is. European writers, in the 17th century, who wanted to showcase their knowledge of Latin, often, this verb usage in poetry, employed. Especially if they, to rhyme, needed. The key to successful ‘verbiage’ the placement of the ‘comma’ is. This sort of thing, while you write an article if, plan, you do: throughout the whole work just, CONSISTENT, be.

Many languages do not have heavy use of ‘articles’ like ‘the’,’a’, or ‘an’. Your, articles , like ‘these’ not need to do BUT they, the sentence easier make it, for reader understand. (To omit these drives English speakers insane. To omit them and put the verb on the end makes people, who do not like to have fun with linguistics, frantic and miserable. *grins* If you plan to omit THE articles then use an ‘apostrophe’ to indicate the article has been ‘ellipsed’ or removed from the sentence.)

English is one of the few languages where the adjective comes before the noun powerful…wait I got that bass-ackwards. It’s like this: ‘Sentence, way more beautiful, is if the adjective comes BEFORE the object or noun. (*wink wink* Did’ya see what I just did there?) When people tell an Englishman about the dog fast he will think, perhaps, a dog is starving somewhere.

People communicate in ‘registers’. A register is a ‘style’. When you speak to a crowd you will sound very different then you sound when you speak to your child and when you speak to your child that will sound very different from the way you speak to your parrot. Consider your audience. If you are WANTING to impress some IELTS grammar nazi’s you WILL need to be able to write and communicate in the NON-REBEL format. Other than that you are as free as a bird and the empahsis is on effective communication and your rapport with your audience. If you are well rounded you should be able to understand Snoop Dog, Queen Elizabeth, Bear Grils and your Mother!

Bottom line is CONSISTENCY! If you make planned errors make them throughout the entire work. Make them a part of your ‘style’. Make sure your style is readable to the majority of those who speak the language you are writing in and don’t be afraid of ‘dangling your participle’ if you meant to dangle that thang!

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