Ever since I was a kid many people made it VERY CLEAR to me I am not beautiful. It used to bother me but I have ceased to care and that is beautiful within itself.
It all started with my nose.
Before I hit puberty my nose grew before the rest of my face did and even now it is a bit on the large side with an ‘eagle bridge’ and a ‘clown ball’ and yet it is my nose. I hated it for years. People called me ‘Witchypoo’, Witch, Roman-nose, Pinocchio and a variety of other insulting names. Especially for a young girl who desired to be a princess.
When I got glasses the ‘four-eyes’ started.
When I became a woman the ‘fat ass’ started. Funny how I was too fat when I weighed 115 pounds and I was too fat when I weighed 150 pounds and now people look at my old photos and tell me how beautiful I was when I weighed 170 pounds when I was thirty but when I was thirty they were singing that ‘Sir Mix-a-lot’ song to me…
Baby Got Back…
It still was not cool to have ‘back’ back then.
Of course there were the ‘pizza face’ and the ‘butter face’ days and then there were the ‘fat’ days…
Now I am old and I don’t give a damn. The last person that hurt me with something rotten to say to me sealed my heart off from caring what people think.
But let me tell you something else about me:
I am Magical.
If I pray for you and I love you over 70% of the time it will come true. I can teach you things you never thought of before. I can write things that have magic in every word and I can move the hearts and souls of people who can see past what I look like and into my soul. If your soul and my soul meet and know each other you will never forget me the rest of your life but what you remember won’t be what I looked like…
…what you rememeber will be how warm and sweet your soul felt nested in mine.
One day we will all be ugly no matter what we looked like when we were young. Time spares no one. It does not matter that one of my kids said,
“Aunty you don’t need a hijab you are too old to make anyone sin.”
He will be old too one day and waitresses will be slapping him and laughing at him for trying unless he is rich enough to buy one and then it won’t have anything to do with how great he is it will only have to do with how rich he is. If he isn’t rich even his own wife won’t want him anymore than he wants her.
A friend once told me,
“Allah takes our sight when we get old so that we can look at the wreck we are married to and still see someone beautiful.”
If you can afford plastic surgery and look good when you die more power to you…you will still be dead.
I have seen the girls who used to be beautiful and some of them are now fat, matronly grandmothers. I have seen the girls who used to be ugly and some of them had to work so hard at looking good all their lives they are stunning even at 40 and 50 years old.
Don’t kiss yourself too much for how great you look and don’t kick yourself for how ugly you are. Someday everything will change.
Allah bless everyone.