…so many things wrong and so many things right all at the same time. In spite of the list of very real ailments I am blessed and things could always be worse…

…In sha Allah they will be better.

I always dreamed that this age and time in my life would be so much different. I dreamed I would have already seen the other side of the world and I would have married someone and been a part of a family.

It didn’t work out that way.

Maybe I should have let the men come to me to ask for me but I think, had I done that, I would maybe have become a nun or maybe a reluctant lesbian from sheer desperation.

Instead I spent my life hunting with the hunters…well at least the part of my life when that was possible…so many years this was not possible.

He is still very beautiful. He lives like a song in my head and probably always will. He has more than one name and face but he is beloved beyond compare. Each of him is special in different ways from the first ‘love-of-my-life’ at 29 years old to the first ‘best-friend-of-my-life’ just out of high-school. Never a princess or even a queen yet I was always needed before I left each one as the hurricane in my life moved me on intractable winds. How often I gave up the huge rebellion only to ‘get even’ with the smaller, and often more dangerous ones…

I am not very good with chaos. Much like the ‘Rain Man’ I best function in a well-ordered and predictable universe but, once upon a time, I escaped that for a fraction of my life.

It was glorious.

Anyway I am thinking of all the people I love…

This one’s for you…Love you

(Thank you Elton John)

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