Tomorrow Everything Changes


Halfway there we are now but still in the ‘hood’ and they are ‘trashing out’ as apartment upstairs so I have had mountains of trash and junk outside my door for two days but all that changes tomorrow…

…I am be official at the assisted living center for seniors and disabled people.

Lots of times people don’t want to go to those places because they lose so much but I am lucky because I don’t have so much to lose so, to me, it is a huge big blessing. I have been waiting on this blessing just over a year and a half…waiting through abuse from a manager who was a crack head…waiting through my kitchen floor being jacked up from a collapsed sewer pipe…waiting through the garden it took me two years to make pretty being sheared to the ground when I came home from the hospital after parathyroid surgery. This place is the haven for mice, cockroaches, Stachybotris mould and, for some on the other end of these 600 units, lice and bed bugs as well. This is where the poorest people live in this town. Compared to some places in the world this place is paradise.

But beautiful things happened here too.

My friends from 20 years ago found me here after I was sure I would die before I ever saw them again. I met a few nice people. I was able to be close to my mother. My mother has been such a huge help to me as I cannot drive anymore and she, at 77 years old, is stronger than me. 10 or more years ago I used to make fun of how ‘pokey’ she was when we went walking together and now she leaves me in the dust.

Don’t be too proud of who you are and what you have you never know when it might not be there anymore. When I am out in the store driving the little electric cart to get my groceries and I see someone and think how gross or disgusting they are I stop myself and say inside,

“Astagafirullah”

For some people I am scary and disgusting I am sure.

Last year I used to take the power-chair down to the little, local ‘handkerchief’ park that borders the farm lands at the edge of town. I would go to the ‘bob-wire’ fence and look out over the rolling green in the spring…or in the fall the big, round golden bales under this high Oklahoma sky and remember the days I hiked the farmers fields and swam in cow ponds I probably shouldn’t have swum in and waded through creeks that were dry half the season. Black Oaks and Poison Ivy near vanilla-scented clover and Skunk Weed. ‘So many varieties of night-shade are native here that it would be impossible to name the 92 that are known. I am not a city girl and never was one but now I am about to become a city girl.

I wonder what it will be like to ride the bus all over the city and take the power chair out to the man-made fish pond near where I will be living tomorrow. I will have built in neighbours and they all seem to be nice and friendly people I have met some of them already.

I don’t think I ever lived in a place this fancy but I will be OK there, In Sha Allah, if anything happens to mom. This has to happen so I can learn to be independent again like I once was…only in a new and different way. In my fifty years it seems I have moved a rough average of every three years and, once more, I am moving again after three years

This is not the life I dreamed for myself when I was twenty-something and knew everything but this will be a good life and I am grateful for this life. And yes Muslims are allowed to like music…at least that is what I have learned from those of my friends now say…”Allhamdulillah”

(song by Rascal Flatts)

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