I think my name should be ‘Sinbad’ because I sin bad all the time!
Now I have a reason for this: I am alone for many years BUT I had a reason for it when I wasn’t alone too because when you share space with someone who is drunk, drugged or gay you also end up angry enough to sin. So I must be Sinbad because no matter what my life is when I decide to do it I do bad so well!
Now don’t get me wrong I don’t do this all the time. I am like ‘Lancelot’ in ‘Camelot’: I spend the whole movie being pristine perfect and just when everyone is sure I am going to be good eternally I fall…
…big time! Now the higher a place you fall from the bigger you go SPLAT!
Here recently I have almost given up…I mean seriously when you leave your door unlocked at night hoping for a reason you don’t have to be held responsible and then verbally SMACK the crap outta someone for trying it online and then go write your own porno I mean heck…isn’t that the definition of hypocrite?
Sometimes I feel like Ella Fitzgerald singing, “Someone To Watch Over Me.”
No I don’t mean spiritual stuff I mean like real flesh and blood who is not drunk, stoned, smoking, or leaving after the dirty deed is done to go home to his (whatever there is at home) and if you think that means I know that scenario VERY WELL try this on…
… twice since 2004!
So it isn’t like I am bed hopping 24/7 or even hopping at all…as a matter of fact I hardly get any social action and when I DO have some it feels so over whelming I sleep for three days afterwards! OK now I am like looking forwards to Tuesday…now I have NO IDEA if anything is going to happen on Tuesday I mean, heck, it isn’t even here yet! Nothing might happen! If Something DOES happen I will be all mentally running in circles and screaming and throwing confetti but I will not die if nothing happens. Lots of guys over the years promised this thing or that thing and never cough up the things they promised and on the other hand a few guys (who are effing AWESOME) cough up what I need for nothing and ask for nothing and I would hug them and all that but they belong to awesome women and I don’t do that to other women if I know about it…I just pray that those awesome people get more and more happy and successful and leave my door unlocked at night sometimes…
…sick puppy huh???
What is sad is that no one comes through unlocked doors they try to beat the locked ones down and the only ones that are locked are on really pretty castles that have seen many many guests and the once that is free and unlocked hardly EVER has anyone sleep in it!
*wonders if it is the graffiti sprayed on the walls that keeps them out?*
Hey sometimes I even spruce my castle up and paint it and all that stuff and take photos of it I can’t post online, because I am a hypocrite and all, and then, ready to show the world a lovely castle (once or twice a year) go to someplace to show-case and LIB ain’t NO ONE thar to see it t’all! So I hose off the paint and all the lights and frills and get back to the old ruined castle mode and THEN someone wants to see it and by that time old Sinbadi in her castle is all ‘Get Lost Mo’Fo!” until the next year around the same time!
Then I usually kick back and write a whole romance,with sex and everything, post it on my blog which no one reads and then shortly after that, I look at this one angel-faced guy who is like *faints* and feel guilty as hell and take the story back down and save it for later like a hypocrite…
Man you KNOW you are so ‘NOT SCREWED’ when the last guy you asked to marry you said “No!” and he NEEDS help really bad and is a GOOD LONG TERM FRIEND!
…Yeah I need to change my name to ‘Sinbad.’