*Written Two Months Before My Papa Died In 2012: Whippin’ Girl

Papa cries and says that only one child really loves him: the one he didn’t teach to be a drunk or almost beat to death but then who knows. Papa is really sick these days and Mama cries and says that only my youngest sister loves her because they agree he is a monster. The old Monster is gonna die soon.

Our whole family; they step back from me and they don’t see, no they can’t see it that I am the one that was tagged long ago with way too much I know to much know….
I know my papa beat my mama…I know he got drunk and saw whores. I know my Mama never loved him. She married him for pity’s sake on the church floor. I know we all grew up wild…but of all them I was THE child: Tag you’re it! You only hear of whippin’ boys…well I’m the whippin’ girl.

Papa don’t like me ’cause he sees himself in me…Mama she always says the same: “You’re like your father…”

That hurts sooooo bad…he’s the only Papa I ever had…and If I am just like him and she never loved him…but Mama is like a child and she can’t see what she says and what it means.

I don’t wanna take a side. I don’t wanna say who lied. I don’t wanna back just Mama or Papa. See both of them are people who came from screwed up homes and both of them have been sad all their lives.

Mama gave up everything she had for my life she never held back anything…
I know every skeleton in the family closet I know who and what and where and everything. Her other kids tell her to shut up ’cause they don’t wanna hear. They don’t want to remember how it was back then.

Life is better for them now then it was way back, they have moved on from the past and left…

…The Whippin’ Girl

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