What other people wanted….
Funny how we let that effect us. What ‘family’ wants and needs is particularly strong in it’s effect on us. Sometimes we don’t even know it is happening until someone dies. Family dynamics change then and things that were once hidden become very clear.
Its weird to see yourself as you never did before: ‘The Convenient Excuse.’
Everyone is someones excuse…that is human nature. No matter who we are…no matter what we do and no matter how we view ourselves we all do it….
In families one person is usually singled out to be ‘The Convenient Excuse.’ If there are several people more than one may be ‘tagged’ for polar opposition in the ‘play’. The surprising thing is that the one who directs the orchestra is not always the one who is perceived to be a leader. Sometimes the real leader is a ‘martyr’ to ‘fate’ and, while acknowledging it was based from choice, still admits that the moment that could have ‘saved the world’ passed without a fight.
We all do this as well…in various forms and degrees but we all do it.
“If _______ was not ________ all the time I would have _________.”
By the time _________ is _________ it is too late to _________ and the dream becomes a regret.
A death in the family can uncover this in such a merciless way.
The ‘tyrant’ dies. The one nicknamed ‘The Taliban’ is no longer available to blame. He may have indeed been an asshole at times but he would defend that one he was an asshole TO and no one ever knew WHY he was such an asshole until he (The Convenient Excuse) was gone and the force of a previously unknown side of the still living one became very very clear: the epitome of the stereo-typical ‘Jewish Mother’.
In between The Taliban and The Jewish Mother came five subsets of the same…four were driven to success on the wings of a desperate need to escape the insanity that was ‘home’….
….and then there was the left-over one…the second ‘Convenient Excuse’.
“I was late because _______was needing me to _______ .”
“I am too tired and sick because I have been with ________ who could not live without me to _______.”
‘Convenient Excuses’ are a vital part of every family. Without them no one would have anyone to blame for everything that was wrong….but if one convenient excuse dies the other one gets to step up and try the role the dead one left…
I am just not that great at being ‘The Taliban’…