The Little Boat

Dedicated to my mother Jackie Mary Johnson-McCloskey
By Mary S McCloskey (Maryam Ahmed)


There was a little boat out in a vast and beautiful ocean. It’s bell rang in the winds as the sails snapped full pulling the weight of it skimming each cresting wave barely touching it…

… almost flying.

How good it was to be so alive with joy!

One day the horizon grew dark and winds howled in every direction shredding the sails and ripping the bell to be rudely flung in the water. Rain pounded the deck until it was soaked and the storm wrecked that little boat on a strange shore.

No one cared about a boat. No one wanted to sail into the vast ocean. No one wanted to spend the time and money to fix the little boat properly. Now and then the boat was happy when creatures came and made temporary homes in safe places. Once there was even a grand time when some kids came to play on the boat and pretended to sail the mighty ocean in it. The little boat was happy to still have some use but when it slept the boat dreamed of dancing on the waves of blue and green under the yellow sun and the white clouds. It dreamed of the cries of dolphins and the fountains of whales.

Sometimes it seemed that it never happened. The boat had been out in the vast ocean such a short time and such a long time on the strange shore. As time passed the boat fell further and further into disrepair.

Sometimes people liked to come and be around the little boat that was now falling apart. The boat let the wind blow through holes in it’s hull and tell stories of a long ago ocean and a bell that rang clearly through the nights.

One night while the stars winked overhead and whirled in their galactic dance a breeze picked up speed and a tide came in where water had not been for hundreds of years. The boat was there but it was a ghost and only other ghosts knew it was there. The tide rolled in like the world was new and the little ghost boat felt itself rise and start to float.
Was it a dream?

The sun began to rise, slowly, over the horizon with a lovely burst of rare green. The breeze became a wind and the little boat felt that it’s sails were once more full of the riches of motion! The North Star had also set. The little boat hit the first wave and…
… the bell!

beach dawn dusk ocean
Photo by Sebastian Voortman on

The bell that was rudely thrown into the deep sea a million years ago was ringing like the day it was new! Life once more surged through that little boat and it danced like joy into the rising sun.


  1. ….someday the tears will end
    The pain will go away
    Love won’t be pretend
    Beauty will always stay
  2. Someday peace will reign
    Someday Death will die
    We’ll all be young again
    Someday not trapped by
  3. Beginnings that must end
    Endings forever scribed
    You’ll be with me my friend
    Like wine your love imbibed
  4. Someday all drunk with ecstasy
    We’ll meet where all is sweet
    Until Someday real and fantasy
    Join hands and meet

Brain Food

  1. Eyes close
    Rising above
    One bag of dirt
    Signals electric fantasy



Bodiless we dance
Sparking arcing racing
Dimensional dissolute
Meet me here


Orgies of the mind
Without logic
  1. Boring flesh subjected
    An instrument of nerve endings
    Limitless to filth or to divine


Fire up the fools who seek
Useful only for the fuel
No fighting bliss


What should be strong
A taste like wine soul spanned
Is weak in arms
Never lips did touch


One kiss destroys
  1. Here I will find you
    A quiet surface
    Boiling underneath such passion
    As only ghosts can understand
    Not only years and miles


But also centuries


That long ago moment
Just as real as now


Where my words wander
Into the smell of sweat and leather
Rushing under bridges


Waters blood life filled together
We were the universe
We are
  1. Become beloved
    In the existended realms
    Cannibalizing each other’s thoughts
    Sharing a banquet

Big Pharma

She went for the job interview at the pharmacy and they said the last part was a lie detector test.

(She never forgot this it haunted her all her life.)

She was trying hard to find a job but no one believed she was. They thought she was trying to sabotage it so no one would ever hire her. People in her own family had no idea how hard she tried.

She had just lost a job as a waitress because she could not remember the seating of the tables fast enough and everyone chided her,

“You read so fast and you are so smart and yet you can’t even recall the placement of tables in a restaurant? You MUST be lying!”


All the time she heard that word over and over like the words ‘witch’ and ‘crybaby’ and ‘loser’ and the list of words was endless. She was trying to get a job in the local pharmacy with the ‘shi shi’ girls. She really thought she could do it and the interview went so well….

She went into the office where they did the lie detector stuff and decided to be totally honest no matter what they asked. She did not rehearse anything. They hooked her up and she was terrified of the gadgetry but managed to mask her face. This was IT. She had to do well!

The man kept trying to get a reading. He adjusted the gear. He adjusted the terminals. He shook his head. He set the operation up twice and that made her even MORE nervous. Surely this was not going to wrong! She had failed so many times. She didn’t know why she was so smart and so stupid at the same time. All she knew was that most people hated her, jeered at her, or ignored her in embarrassment.

“What’s your name?”

She told him the truth.

Have you ever done drugs?

She told him the truth.

Every question she answered with bald honesty and he shook his head again and cut the interview short. He would not answer any questions.

She lost the job.

She went to the pharmacist and asked him point blank why she didn’t get the job. Her papa made her do it because he wanted to know what she was doing wrong in the interviews so that she could get a job.

“Why didn’t I get the job?” she asked the pharmacist.

“Well…” he looked down almost ashamed…”Well you lied about everything.”

“But I didn’t lie! You know my name and family and the answers! You know them before I gave them! The test was just incidental you know I answered truthfully YOU KNOW ME! My name is Mary Shannon McCloskey and I answered EVERY QUESTION with total honesty!”

He looked almost embarrassed and said, “I know you answered honestly but we can’t employ someone who thinks they are lying about their own name.”

She looked at the girls behind the pharmacy counter. All beautiful. All with perfect hair and teeth and smiles. The pharmacist reached out and scraped his finger on her nose. She hated that because her nose is what everyone made so much fun of. Her flat chest and her huge nose. He waved his finger in her face.

“Blackheads. You have blackheads.”

She dropped her head and went out to her papa’s sedan. She told him the truth. “They say I am a liar. I told them my real name and they say I am a liar. I told them the truth and they say I am a liar.”

Her papa’s face looked sardonic.

“You are a liar.”

She went back later to ask for that job if it wasn’t taken. There was an older woman behind the counter.


Ruth was not beautiful on the outside but she was on the inside and she watched that girl-who-always-failed ask for that job and called her over,

“Hun. I want to hire you.”

She looked over at the shi shi girls in their ivory tower and she looked at the hot grill and the bacon press and the soda fountain. She squared her shoulders and said, “Yes I will work for you.”

It was the first real job she was ever good at. She wasn’t very good at it at first but the clientele of one of the last ice-cream soda parlours in America were forgiving. Ruth did not mind her screw ups and soon she was the best damn grill cook ever and, at the end, could open and close the whole little corner on her own but every day she had to LOOK at the people she was ‘less than’.

One day she said a cuss word loud enough to hear it. She didn’t mean anything bad by it.

That old pharmacist came sailing around the corner and started to yell at her about using bad language in front of all the shi shi girls and the customers and everything. She lost it. She cried so hard that everyone in the store left. She forced the pharmacist to let her call her papa to come get her on the public telephone. She sat out on the curb for two hours and when he got there she was finished crying.

Dry as a dead bone in a desert. She had nothing to say to anyone for two days.

He was angry but not surprised. Why should he be surprised? She was a loser.


If this is
The only way
I can touch you
For all of Life

I will touch you now

My hands are hungry
To feel more
Than plastic keys

No one but you will do
This moment

I see you
Your back is to me
By an office chair
And over it
Dark hair

You won’t know
I will be as quiet
As the dust mote
Fluorescent descent

Behind you now
Feeling your racing mind
Don’t look
Just feel

Run through soft
Black curls
Lean back and smile
Close your eyes
Your speeding mind
Light circles traced
To the edge
Of that lovely face

In this place
Where no substance is
I can be any dream you wish
For you can make
Your world here

In Deed

You think
You want
To love me?


You must
I am broken.

I am broken.

You think
You want
To love me?

Come then

With sweet


But more


That prove
You can love
What is

Do not

Look upon
What is




Come with

With glue
With love
For broken
Chicken soup

That make
Life easier

Bring me

You think
You want
To love me?

Show me
What is love
In deed

I have given
All of mine

I am empty
I echo
I ache

With pain

You think
You want
To love me?

Then love
What has none
To return.


If Love makes me an ‘Unbeliever’

Convict me.

I would rather Love
With the love of the Almighty
Beating my heart to life

You who would say The God
Cannot accept the truth of Love
From hearts who love

How can you believe this
When that Almighty Creator
Created Love?

The Believers will cry out
“You cannot love Love more than God!”
But how can that be when God is Love?

Not just love
But God is everything
God is every breath you take
God is all your hopes and dreams
God is your beginning
God is your end
God is Love

If Love makes me an Unbeliever
Put It’s cuffs upon my hands

I will be convicted.



We say goodbye
Each moment flies away
I never loved you enough


We loved so deeply it was hate
Our strong weakness
Belonging no where
To no one
Escaping any way we could

The unlivable moment

The unlivable moment
I fight the demons you left behind
You lived them
I let my mouth form your words
Until you could not stand
You use my eyes to see
I am now in your tracks
You walk with me now
The future of lost impossibilities

You tried so hard
Inspiring death
You tried to be
Inspiring fear
A man no one taught you to be
Inspiring awe
Working each idea each day
Hurling prayers in tornadic winds
Throwing time away
A force like Nature
For all our sakes

A Titan

A baby crying
The bloody walls
You tried to teach me
The bloody halls
You tried so hard
The moment peace came
Intensity without a name
In golden strength
Singing away the years
Until you sang
Tears slide into tears
Waves of life away
One tear slides
Full of burning water

The saddest part
That loved never loved
Of each of you
Full of your heart
Screams in my head
Every tear falling now
Old lullabies

Old lullabies
Can we start everything again
When love was a river
Walk against this limit
When there was a family
Papa take my hand
When there was a chance


Never Gone

I erased the words

I began again
Weaving the words
Flying back and forth
Filling in the spaces

Sopranic soaring
A random impossibilty
No Fear to twist the threads
I love You like the Universe

You are the One

Come with me to suspended Time
With layers of excruciating sweetness
New patterns
Rippling notes shower down

You just became
A new reality
No fear to blend the incompatible
Holding You the hands of my heart

All of you

Peeking shyly from nearby trees
You are my Quest
Waterfalls of Love
Had You any idea
Flooding hearts with glory
Beauty is near You


Bliss is near You
Existing all at once
Immerse the Earth in Joy


Fear erased
Love is near You
Astonished angels look up
No mistake the Words
Windsong blown through stone
For Love will rule alone

Where erased

Threading for the treadles
Gifts falling from the heights
Into the open hands of the poor

Come with me into the Vortex
Late in the night
Atropos suspended

Spirit song

Deep in Dark
Reaching over everything
Appears to cut illusion
You are my Light

Leaning on You in my dreams
Now I can write new ones
Shining into space
Reaching under everything
Leave this old place
You will fly out
Time twists
Earth song
Leaving my existence

Hard and soft at once
I love You like the Unseen
Spinning threads for me to weave
Clean of traces

Sneak up on me
Melting into You
Oppositions unify
Spinning circles meeting forever
Surprise me

Come with me

See You with other eyes
Your perfection
Another unmet stranger
You will believe
Soul song


Lifeforce with me
No years given in vain
Illusive reality
Merged in one amazing whole

All of you
You are my soul
With me still
Singing in chorus


Never gone

Monkey Nuts

Ka Mosh

Methinks me thinks too much.
Sort of blank with an internal scream
Without emotion this time
The whine of ELF noise in my skull
Desiring the mask of music
Feeling how close

Disconnect is

Holding the cat close while he purrs
Knowing he will ask for treats

Like we all do

Somewhere back in my brain
Is a woman who will go through a reset
I have the passwords saved
I have no idea if it will save my aether cord
Wings that take me all over the world
While ass sits in padded chair



Why there is so little of the bells
The teapot soprano muted
Wondering if that mosquito
Injected IDGAF in my veins


That must be it

You want to be detached
You believe you will find bliss here

My dear

This is where inspiration
Goes to die
Booting up your ‘OM’
It won’t really go anywhere

And that’s the point.

All of the labels we desire
All the ones we run from
Or embrace because we are ‘that’
I never forget of course
Like elephants

But I forget every day.

I am going to wait for help
This time even if hell freezes
Before help comes.
It’s OK if it isn’t done today.
I am tired of trying.


You have to GET IT!
It’s OK to be less than perfect
It’s OK to be tired sometimes
It doesn’t matter how many loci
You operate from

People who pride themselves
On mental stability
Or mental superiority
On the ability to stay one

All of them
Are just as screwed as you.
The ones who say
You are not smart
Because you believe in God
The ones who use God as an excuse

Trust me we are all gonna pay one day
You can even call it karma from dharma
Or hell or heaven
Or peanut butter on monkey nuts

It doesn’t matter
It’s going to happen

Man is Unable To Guide Himself

Nice ideas about spirituality and the existence of God.

Shake Your Conscience !


Within civilization man is surrounded by others like himself and he finds that he shares much in common with his fellow men. Humans are similar and share the same basic needs. Mankind endlessly pursues that which offers pleasures and flees from whatever threatens to cause pain. The “fight or flight” instinct is always at work to protect one from physical, mental and emotional harm. What one does in response to that instinct is largely dependent upon his moral standard. As Yusuf Islam (former pop-singer Cat Stevens) said: when we are hurting we look for something to comfort us. While they consider all that causes pain to be evil. But there in trouble, the religious man turns to God, the one without religion runs from the pain and turns to something else (like alcohol) which will take his attention away from whatever is bothering him. There are two people with the…

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Dear WordPress,

There is an option at Facebook, that some enterprising souls have come up with, to make your Facebook a hard or soft print copy of all your activity. It only disallows ‘Notes.’ (That is the only thing I would spend money on to have reproduced from that site.)

Is there any way that the same thing could be offered here for a similar price and if it already is offered can anyone tell me how to access it?

The offering at Facebook runs on the number of pages reproduced. The cost runs a rough 75.00 to 200.00 to publish one ‘book’ depending on the format. I would rather publish what I have here and pay for that than I would my Facebook Status set.

I would have contacted you in the “Howdy” pop up box but it is down for the hols.

So what say y’all?

You want any money for a print form of my stuff?





Shooting silk

One plus Zero

Equals the universe

Flies crash

Strings thrum

Fangs deliver peace


From struggle

I wanted

So many things


There is no love

In words

In images

In made up tales


Each dawn weighs

Heavy drape

Falls the web

Winds and rain

Days alone

One dark charm

Infinite yottameters

Far into nothing

Overshot the thread

Sans understanding

Seraphs missing

Skin cold


Face Book

It used to be ‘The Place’ book

When the bandwidth was exceeded

My space was impeded

Running from the ‘ad-man’

Running from the ‘bad’ ban

You tube used to be free

So was my Face-book home…me

I did not mind the warnings

Early in the mornings

Written in the cute pink boxes

By the Facebook foxes

You could go there

You could share

And be ‘ad free’

I don’t own a TV

Reason: because bad news

Only brings the real blues

It’s not that things don’t matter

But they beat things ’til they shatter

Like the human mind on overload

Destruction news ’til it explode

Dead everywhere you wanna look

Buy the story buy the book

Celebrities I do not know

Getting kicked off TV shows

That I don’t even know about

Or even want to know a nowt

Dreaming of another Life

When I had everything to Live

How I turned my back and left

To keep promises I gave

All I wanna do is cry

Watch the world around me die

Someone will force it in my eye

I might ignore but they still try

If there was someone here with me

There has been once or twice

The whole thing was a roaring sin

But it sure was nice

Still have to get up the next day

Still have to find another way

Life is worth living still

I promise that I will