Insaanirant To My Muse

When my mind boils over
I don’t need anyone to care
I write my words like a battle
To remain
Nothing matters…
Only the explosion of thought
The spiking chill of heat loss
My soul speeds
It travels past my body
It sits next to you
It holds your heart inside
You are my muse
You chant each word
You make me cry out feeling
Like an insane carnival vendor
King of the impossible
Maestro
You are love

Tick tick tick
Defcon minutes hardly left
Now a meeting of the goth
Pay a fee to see it all go BOOM
Watch the pretty colours…
Holding a cocktail in your hand
Beautiful cancer necklaces
Bedeck Russian necks
Let’s race to MAD-ness
Lets make the Seismic meters jump
With our power let’s pluck
Our angel-harp
Let’s give the stratosphere a kick
Let’s see if we can create cyber life
Let’s invent our way into being divine
But we can never make the mind
That makes the things of the mind
There had to be a tree to clone
There had to be an atom to split
Humans didn’t make the raw material
We use to destroy
Holy pretenders
You who think you are more than nature
More than life itself
Who want to own the world
Who won’t live to own six feet of it

While dictators destroy
Let’s leave reality
Meet me over on the corner
In the garden at the rose garden…
Let’s trespass
A public park
In the deep night when crickets sing
To a back beat water plash
A fountain in the dark
I will be there
Wearing a smile just for you
Watch you hop the stepping stones
One side you fall
Azaleas everywhere
If there are other eyes we cannot see
Let them be silent with jealousy
Cool breeze on wet skin
Easily a robe can fall
In heap around our feet
Warm on warm sweat slide
Kisses up your neck
Shameless while the world ends
Arms linked in the eternity symbol
Body to body
Heats the oldest rhythm in the world
Release almost hurts
While dictators destroy
Let’s leave reality

The human heart is war
It’s chariots manned with smokeless fire
Destiny wrote a final war to end them all
The dead beneath our feet still see

Love is a bloody thing
Why is killing so cold until it’s done
Since human created from clot
You look at life you took alone
Release the red to consecrate
Snuffed it sticks to dreams
Since time exploded from a dot
Races with the guilt you can’t erase
Radiant to desscicate
This loss of face
Conquering the whisperers
Haunted by the blood of sins
Escape to space
Beleaguered by the demons
The army of the heavens comes
Those with whom deals were made
Floating into melted bones
Who should live and who be dead
Rolled back for all eyes to see
The chess game stops
We must manifest destiny
All hold their breath
Roiling poison rolling in the clouds
All await
Gods unto ourselves
He will ride in from the skies to save
The mother who birthed us
Those who rule the world
Creating legends from the dead
Will beg to die
Beat the splitting heart of Her
Unheard torments forever bear
Waking giants from their sleep
Racing towards destruction
Hear the drums
Like mercenaries long ago
Earth shakes on conquerers quest
Screaming bloody smiles
We will be reaped
Ready to die for nothing
Walls are made to destroy
When all are gone
In one fell sweep of scythe
The earth will rise up
Laws to break
Repair the broken weave
She will cut the threads
Angels will sing
Your name is innocent
Far past forever’s end
We buried them at Nicaea
Only if you win
When women cry no more
You are exempt from sin
Only women weep for the dead
In this world we think we made
War forever in Hel
From sweat and blood
Conceived these things
Our own minds alone
Kill maim destroy all but your own
Whispering in leaders ears
Who needed angels to teach
Spilling oil in the oceans
Oceans will leap with joy
When we erase ourselves
For now

My pantry is full
Homemade cream pie in the ‘fridge
‘Clothes are clean
‘Cat is fed

Alone with Yiruma
Chinese actions heroes
Beautiful Pakistani faces
Alone with a keyboard
And one mouse
The music swells
Fortissimo
My heart sails off on sound
I have the medicine I need
Alone with a cream pie
Eaten all alone
To replace the hug that isn’t there
Because I had to be equal
Alone with Yanni
Khal Hona Ho
Drums and grass dancers
Wen Dai Aho
Rapping freestyle by myself
Alone with the music
Fighting off memories
Exceptions to the rules
My bed is clean
I slipped once after years
For one night of nothing
It is always nothing
The few and far between
Just need
Anything would do
If it came with even fake affection
My toy-box here is full of sweets
A few good friends
No shoulder to cry on all alone
I cry upon my own
I share it with everyone else
It is a strong shoulder
This curseful blessing
No man is strong enough
The ones I love I cannot have
The ones I can have do not love me
You can have everything you need
And have nothing
I am holding out for eternity

Heavy

Outside a world
All I want
Is how you feel
Hopping the wrong way on stage
Empty wings
Heavy curtains never move
Unless pulled away
Open on the play

Audience
Rarely sees one
Empty corner
Overflowing
Melting into all things
You could be love

With me

One ring purple with emotion
Existence shaken
Barely hanging on

Your song curling everywhere
Wheels running in my vision
Ignoring everything but hope

How to stay calm
How to make your heart deaf
This thing I never learned
A face like stone while dying

Gleefully play the ball
Kicking a score for the enemies
A fool melting
Derisive pigs snorting
Roaring crowds chant fades
Sweeping into nothing

Salty puddles
Raining on another planet
Different sky pictures
Trailing another star

Promises

I lived so many lives
But none of them were real
They belong to someone else
Who I can barely feel
I made promises I broke
Trying to be free
Many promises were broken
That had been made to me
At the strangest breaking
Point typing this alone
All the years are taking
All the memories gone
Living in a record
That sputters while I write
The moment but a second
No morning and no night
In spite of all the evil
In suffering is grace
I could never thank The God
Enough prostrate on my face
For every bad that came
Was also something good
Everything I didn’t get was still
Exactly as it should
Have been no matter how
Difficult the journey
There were time of joy so huge
Despair fought with at tourney
For every time that life is born
Comes with struggle screaming
All the horrors of real life
Are healed while I am dreaming

Arroyo

  1. For a moment
    Time forgot Her place
    She hunkered down
    Roaring with Wind
  2. Breathing with the Earth
    In red-land arroyos
    40 years gone
    Time painted her face
    She sang for a moment
    One eternity
  3. Here I was birthed
    Swirling around me
    Wind sang too
    He put a veil
    Over my head
  4. Of winter birds
    Circling the heat rise
    City capped
    For a moment painted
    In arroyo red

Reversinging

  1. You never leave me
    You have lit thousands of nights
    With the gold flecks
    Dancing in merry eyes
    I worship you
  2. Alone
  3. Your voice
    Laughing
    Trying to escape
    This intensity
  4. Yes
    Tsunamis are just ripples
    Tornadoes only dust devils
    Perhaps vulcanic
    If so
    It was when time began
    Sleeping now under tears
  5. Raining
  6. Destiny is such a bitch
    She gave me you
    She snatched you away
    Her years ate you
  7. Here
    Deep in my heart
    I worship you by myself
  8. Forever nameless
  9. You caress my skin with air
    You warm me with the sun
    In the depths of my mind
    You are the only untainted spirit left
    Maybe satan refused to bow to aadmi
    But I will bow to you
    In your far away throne
    Shining as the mirage
  10. Glimmers
  11. In the deserts of my soul
    I tried
    To recreate Time
    Found it was not possible to move
    Reversinging chanting wishes
    As if these sounds
    Could make myths live
    I worship you
  12. Alone
  13. Yet even now
    Your voice makes me soar
    3000 miles away
    You never see my tears
  14. Over and over
    I found bits of you
    Scattered over the playing fields
  15. Lost in the wind
  16. I am still happy
    To stand and watch the love
    Belong to everyone else
    The God must surely love me
    Though tears run freely
    Through these words
  17. You will never be my dream
    You will never know me
    Only a clown
    Crying through a painted smile
  18. You feel it now I know
    What it means to love
  19. You are more beautiful
    With every day that passes
    You will only ever speak to him now
  20. I will lay here in these lovely fields
    That bloom within these bones
    Where magic is alive
  21. You may never speak to me again
    But you cannot stop this heart
    It will beat until Destiny calls it home.

I Will

I seek the hands reaching
Eyes seeing only the dirt below

I grab your unsuspecting hand
A part of you will desire to run
A part of you will desire to run with me

A pulse jumps through your palm
Moving the hairs

Chilled

Night aires playing
With stars in your head
Rewriting old words with trails of light
As beautiful and new
As they were five million years ago
When we tracked the trails of heaven
Through Sumerian skies

This short disgusting lovely thing
We call ‘life’
It is the epic of the Universe
Permeating every layer of existence

Come with me
Let these hands linked reach past the edge
Above and below
A force to my magma
Fires of the skies
Oceans full
Glowing

Be my song
Be the smile life writes on my face
And I will write you as the hero
At the apex of the arches
Triumphal

The grass will be thick and soft
Hillsides will be gentle
You are all existence
I am the void

Together we are majestic
Together we are beauty

It’s time to go now
I will let go of you
Like I have let go of every teacher
Who was a student at the doors of my heart
You will slip into the void
From fantasy into concrete
Your feet will walk
Where things are hard

This is how it is
When we fly

To know
What shakes the abyss with madness
To bathe
In what fills all space with light
Living inside the surface
Of an iridescent bubble

I orbit your sun
You shine on my face
Nothing held back

Nothing

She Sings the Words Alone

  1. He sent them:
    To me, all beautiful women
    He could have for a smile
    Or a quest like war
    Killing love for it’s own sake
    “Still I wanted him
    To love me.”
    She sang the words
  2. Suspended,
    Before the chase
    Blood covenants spilled and broken
    For promises
    For kingdoms
    Twist yours into mine
    “Birth these devils for us
    Double blade inside you
    All your life.”
    She sings the words
  3. My heart hold itself now
    For a song
    She sang words I dreamed
    She belonged where I wanted to be
  4. Now a snake awakens
    Rattles shaking
    Bare your smile for the kill she sings
  5. He never wanted me
    My own hands caress my soul
    I ride my own horse
    I write my own place
  6. He can say
    He did
  7. He believed it too
    She sang a song
    That emptied his chances
  8. To keep me forever
    Greek chanting chorales to the play
    “I am the alien .” she sings the words,
    “Winds and thunderstorms
    Make love to me.”
  9. Background noises
    Sounds of men who used to be
    Passed into yesterday
    Epic even though they fell
    For other loves
    I do not even own my own
    It flies
  10. Lost
  11. Over dark continents
    Seeking
    Learning
    That nothing is worth
    The pain of everything she sang
    Words carried drops of confusion
    Smelling
    Of old perfume and inverted logic
  12. Really it was men
    Stumbling in a giants footsteps
    Trying to walk
    In prints to big to fill
    Carrying a broken heart
    Before she broke
    She sang the words
    I put into her mouth to sing
  13. She came near
    Once she filled my nose
    With the smell of sweat
  14. Now she sings the words
  15. No one ever really heard them
    Humans don’t know
    How to hear the aliens
    The glory of life swells
    It plays arias of love
    It plays with hearts
    Letting out the life
  16. Stopping
    Each beat forced
    Ideas ripped away
    She sings the words for angels
  17. Juxtaposition
    A punishment of words she sang
    Breath hurts the chest
    Tight
    Notes shot from taut strings
    Sounds killing
    Metal tipped destroyers
  18. My own soul I love alone
    I eat alone
    I drink it’s blood alone
    I sign it’s agreement
    In blood by myself
  19. The roar of crowds is for others
    Men worshipping are not for me
    They no longer worship God
    They worship Giants
    They worship youth and strength
    They worship beauty and power
    Yearning for magic
    Quicken your feet
    They are walking

You Are Loved

Silent fog
Without sound
Morning light
Evening creeping
Clear cold black rising
Light pulsing
Why do I care
When I meet you
Through crystal prisms
You are loved
Warrior again walks the skies
Into the blanket of night
Holding myself
Composing unheard songs
Where care is never returned
Someday when time ends
Rituals
Left in the dust
In my arms
Dreaming of Life
Symbols
Giving love
Teaching
Slowing bit by bit
Alone
Even in the sunlit day
Cymbals stuttered once now lost
Being lived somewhere
Flingers now clack keys
In the soulless universe
Who will recall my words
Left behind
There are always stars
The strings
Between these layers
Ringing no more
Crying
Don’t leave me here
Unheeded nor needed

Facebook Asks Me…

…What’s on my mind?

Fantasy
Sexual odes to Love,
Iridescent bubbles,
Slow dancing with angels,
Infatuated euphoria,
Transforming,
Music that makes me smile,
Writing love songs to my beloved
Sprung full grown from my brain
After giving me a headache

What’s on my mind…

Dark eyes filled with stars,
Leather and sheesha,
Galloping across the plains,
Mountains in the distance,
Hawks on our wrists,
Flung skywards
Full of prayers

What’s on my mind…

Deep blue evening,
Round pebbles making water speak,
Hung around your neck
Wear me,
And I will wear you,
Leaning on the tree to big to move,
Breathing in you
Breathing out you
In and out moving
Into darkening
Cool

What’s on my mind…

The room The screen The words The end.

Heading for a Broken Heart

She’s
Headed for a broken heart
She doesn’t know it yet
But I think she suspects

She
Recalls the guy she left
Cryin’ in the drive way
When she left him that day

She
Went to where love lives
She was sitting on a chair
Another girl was there

His
Mama and his Gramma
His whole family
Was there to have some tea

He
Leaned over the table
Whispered through his mama’s hair
“That’s your daughter over there!”

She
Looked to where he said
It was the new girl he had met
From his college days jet set

She
Was the girl no man could have
She just laughed and kicked the fools
She was well equip’t with tools

She
Looked at the girl in the chair
Looking at the man she wanted
With sad eyes oh so haunted

She
Looked at the newest girl
That girl looked back at her
Then looked at his mother

He
Was smiling happily
He had most everything
A young man like him could dream

He
Walked right out of her life
He left her standing in the drive way
The day he went away

She
Knew soon he would find out
The same thing that she learned
About how you get burned

Life
It always comes around
No one can stop the time that comes
When you get what you gave plus some

Then
You have to see the truth
Or be doomed to repeat
Failing to complete

I
Write this from where I stand
Knowing what I see
Once again will be

This time it won’t be me….

Wasted Iron

 
Horses running free,
No waste of iron,
Now I’m missing this world,
Where we collected,
Honey Bees,
Instead of lust.
Who’s this now?
Who stares at me
With eyes confused?
The Mirror is cracked,
With too many old times.
We were so wild.
The world was our dream.
We had our lives and God
Now our old sad eyes
They barely justice our coverage.
Sounds.
A lot of people.
Any one who wants,
Listen to him.
Listen to me.
 
More sad visionaries.
I’ve had visions.
Squandered.
And spit on the paper,
I wrote them on.
The whole world sees you.
One of those too,
Once was, and I wish like this:
“Looks like a magnet?”
I asked the universe of the mind.
Magic on you.
My soulmate.
My confession.
So many times.
Wearing different faces.
Oh my god I love you so
I love you now.
I loved you every time I saw you.
See you.
Any space.
Within all souls
All eyes on you.
That smile
Now I’m eating dust.
Just riding strong under the sun.
Why do we have thorns,
Jumping on the next?
Slowly,
I collapsed.
Like a scare crow
One stitch at a time.
Before the end of it.
We both fell again.
Bloody and screaming.
Once again
We laugh and play.
Because of love.

One

Out of the storms
Coming back up slowly.
I’m going to get a rainbow.

Are you still there?

You are the diyah in my mind.

A bright star
Shot through my heaven
In a lightning bolt
Leaving tracers
In these cloudy human eyes.

Even the stars they die.

Perhaps the greatest gift
Is not so much time

Waiting for eternity.

I think of your face
I smile.
So many years you sang the words
Flying through my hands as birds
Rolling through the sky
Try and see the universe.

Right now at this moment
You are just waking up
From the dreams
We used to talk about.

I know that you thought of me too.

Some days

I’m so sorry on the inside
I’m going to be important to someone.
Not as a child is for a mother
Or a teacher to a pupil,
But as a friend,
Of incredible love,

Maybe not here on this earth.

Today
Someone told me
There are those who believe
Lucifer did not bow to injustice man
Only because he loved God
More than me.

Maybe in this
There is also a certain respect:

In this we are going to suffer time less here
Leave more quickly for Paradise

While the inhabitants of the earth
A war to argue for nothing
The scholars and the sadhus contemplate
Nothing

We spend our lives screaming
For moments that mean less than sand.
Moments that mean less of each

….and yet every one that I spent with you.
No regrets for a single one.
You are worth every tear
Every tear a smile waters a flower
In the memory of my heart.

You are the love.

…………

Joy
Laughter and peace
Your smile
Your touch in dreams
The smell of that leather coat
The way cement smells
Wet with rain
The way drenched green
Drips cool on hot heads
Under a young sun
All these things
I can live
Without ever being there

I am there
I am walking
Through the market-place
Fresh mango in my hands
Searching the store-fronts
The stalls
The hawkers
In these times past times

I am strong
Running after the rickshaw
Searching everywhere
For the secret
That makes you

Astonishing

Webs

Round moon in the dark city
Dropping light
Like a master pianist’s fingers
Drop notes
Picked up from midair
Turned into words

Master of the Webs

Pluck my strings carefully
Perhaps I will kiss you today
Kill you tomorrow

You will stand there in surprise
Holding your heart
Wondering
How it was you came to win

And lost

To one you saw as prey
Shocked
Hanging limp
From the jaws of a phool
Unable to forget

Yet we all have to forget
Drink Spiders Lethe’s wine or weep
I have heard cats cry
When their playthings
Lie upon the floor
Unmoving

I have seen sad whiskers
Twitch
Predators eat their pasts
They become

Wistful
Wanting the next place
Where these urges to destroy
Turn into amazing works

Of art

(pic by ‘spiders’)

Convictus

If Love makes me an ‘Unbeliever’

Convict me.

I would rather Love
With the love of the Almighty
Beating my heart to life

You who would say The God
Cannot accept the truth of Love
From hearts who love

How can you believe this
When that Almighty Creator
Created Love?

The Believers will cry out
“You cannot love Love more than God!”
But how can that be when God is Love?

Not just love
But God is everything
God is every breath you take
God is all your hopes and dreams
God is your beginning
God is your end
God is Love

If Love makes me an Unbeliever
Put It’s cuffs upon my hands
Gladly

I will be convicted.