All

All of it

It is worth

The river of tears

Worth the years alone

Worth the falls

Turned into flights

Worth the place

I find myself

Before a solitary keyboard

To have you

Even once

In my life

If you could see

The way I am smiling now

If you could feel

Those rivers of love

Never dammed nor damned

That will flow to you

In my forever

I will touch you

Without touching

Love you

Without owning

Give you away with joy

Leave

Many times

Many lives

I will always know you

Always love you

Always give you

What I can’t even give myself

All of it

With a Nod to Dio and Owl City

It’s a confused jumble…If you try to make it make sense you will cry alone for a non-existent home. Smile the crooked smile.

Tomorrow.

Yes tomorrow.

All behind is enough salt water to drown in for thousands of lifetimes washed out to sea and left this old beach covered with treasures. They play upon weary eyes in the morning sun setting too fast into stars whirling into your beautiful soul.

My hands are empty. Full of the nothing of the universe. Laughing. Feeling death close sometimes but not a strange threat but a simple reality. Holding clouds and sunshine and rain in open fingers splayed to play with nothing. Form and mould nothing into dreams and fantasies of love. Never hungry in my mind I live lives past imaginations and whole encyclopedias and even ‘ten billion fireflies’.

Feel the changes in the winds fall upon the earth like catching speed and falling gems breaking apart in wild scattered analogous to reality of nothing inwards outwards words swords stirred into soup some call insane but I understand it all too well…

Heaven and Hell…

You asked me what it means to love? You are like Dorothy wearing shoes you don’t know you own. How can I tell you what love means when the world calls ‘need’ love? You gave me a black circular gypsie skirt with silver sequins on it and let me wear your life you walked upon to bits and now I have a silver cuff with South American medallions and your tearful question.

What does it mean to feel passion and feel it die over and over and over until your heart grows nothing but rust and dried roses? How to answer your beautiful old child-like face as my fathers eyes use mine to see what you are that you cannot see…how to bear the reality that we all dance away from each life is swiftly as…

…yes it is gone again.

The moment.

Love rides the high skies sliced by light in darkness without name it cries tears and suffers for no return and smiles. How can you say you have not known passion? How can you ask the definition of love from one who cannot even hold the sun and clouds in both empty hands?

All the things I should have done…they mean less than the nothing I cannot hold. They did not happen. How can I explain to you what nothing means? How nothing can make you suffer until you ask for death to marry you and when it comes you stare at it and fight to live and keep on fighting when the reasons are no more than moonlight silvered day under scudding storm clouds I do not want to walk yesterday again if I cannot change it.

I only have tomorrow.

I only have the next moment.

The stairs sway and rock like the earth wobbles on the stiletto spinning drunkenly as if hit…we blew it up inside and out with mushroom blasts and radical matters and suicide crews whose melanin stayed to fight as if programmed by a thought alone that vibrated like a sound…

…like a prayer…

Pray out loud. Make the electrons dance. Pray with every cell in your being. Pray or cry because I hate to feel the force behind the words…the rent veils tattered in the sowing winds…You ask me what is passion?

It is loving souls you never touch as if they live inside your own and breath every breath you share their eyes and hands and fell the things they feel in hungry nights or bliss of the first kiss or…face and face and face and face again each star-like lovely face is cupped in empty hands full of…

….nothing.

Destiny

I see your words
You think of me I know
Never saying anything
Wondering for the distances
How life moves on

Fly with this one
Fly with that one
But always flying
Always on the wing
Always smiling and dancing

There is a wordless cry
Screaming to galaxies
Inside you roam the emptiness
Things that decorate your mind
Your hair and sweet dark eyes

Word-falls bounce
The dark rocks point in accusation
Skies weep for the face of stones
Where roots failed to hold
The ice and snow are the cap

You would ask me what we are
We are eternity expressed
In human eyes that see
In hearts made to desire everything
Asking “Why is this my destiny?”

10th Street Gangsta Kid

Now I am not suggesting that anyone go out and trust the world without question but, ever so often, something weird happens and it makes you wonder about things. Back in the day I lived over near The Red Dog Saloon on 10th street and there were plenty of shootings and robberies that went on down there and everyone knew it. The heli were out every weekend searching for escaped felons and drug dealers…sick bird men and women and belligerent drunks. Not the kind of place you’d ever even wanna pick up a pre teen with dropped pants on the week end…

…even the kids ’round there people said they packed. Maybe it was fear because that street was the bumper hood between the haves and the have-nots but anyway there was a Friday night at, like, one am in the cold early spring one day and it was raining cats and dogs!

I was driving back home from seeing my soon-to-be ex husband at that time from the neighbouring town and there was a kid walking up the side of the flooded water-logged road. He didn’t have any protection not even a torn open garbage bag! Kid looked pretty miserable and, against my better judgement, I pulled over and asked him if he needed a ride.

It was a really weird moment for us both. Here I was; some blond white lady who just got a degree from college driving a grey Honda who pulled over and asked 14 year old dropped pants black gangsta kid If he needed a lift…

He did it turns out.

He didn’t look at me as he got in the passenger side and it suddenly occurred to me that the kid was scared…

…of me.

Shouldn’t it have been the other way around? This was most odd!

“Where’ you goin’?”
“‘Bout five-six blocks up…”

He was staring at the floor board of the passenger side with single minded determination!

I kept driving and he moved his head and I noticed he had looked at my purse, which was sitting on the area just behind the gear shift between the seats and then, from the corner of his eye he looked at me in surprise when I smiled at him and kept driving. Then he looked at the floor board again. We drove the rest of the way in a weird tense silence in the oddest reversal of roles I ever experienced.

“Here…” He said in a whisper as we turned into one of the most notorious of the properties on 10th Street. I pulled in and a huge crack of thunder boomed and lightning struck in the sheeting rain as I stopped in the main lot of the apartments he asked me to take him to…as he got out it was clear the kid had a gun. He could have easily nabbed my purse and run but, somehow, he was suddenly as vunerable looking as any kid I ever saw anywhere and, I was almost worried about him as he sauntered out into the dark rain and disappeared into the buildings.

Now I am not saying everyone should trust everyone. My dad was once maced by a white gal, who tried to kife his wallet, who was was hitchin’ on I-40 but you never can tell about people…

…no you never can tell.

The Djinn’s Daughter

When it was written before you were born
When from the womb ripped out squeezed and torn
A vision was that such a peaceful light
Would fall upon a changeling child of night
One human never knowing half was part elf
Otherworldly apart from self
Made from fire wrapped in white cloak
The Angels almost laughed upon the joke
But stopped realizing what was allowed
Would have one of themselves wrapped in shroud
To taste what only mortals have to fear
The laughter died as one by one shed tear
A surety that God could end them all
One girl half human wrapped within a pall
So they made a council and decided
That in the human world never plighted
Never trothed never mother never woman
Though allotted that being born ‘human’
For those who would truly her want to wed
She would be made only for them to bed
And any she would marry would be cursed
Until they set her free or her soul burst
And while the heavens fought over her fate
The subject of the machinations state
That those who cared so much made one life hell
Or heaven too as much as she could tell
So it was finally agreed so to be fair
That when time came she’d marry fire there
The world never knew what to make of her
All she really could be for one was ‘lover’
Or more than one or maybe even many
And sometimes for a decade no not any
For from this hybrid woman most men ran
Very few could see her as an equal man
Or know what category she would fit
That was the long and tall and short of it

Ends

Time went on
Little children

Playing in the dirt
Bright white grins
Were left behind
Old skins shed

Innocence lost
Trying

To hold on to a dream
You once saw

A moment
In a flower
Time goes on
Leaving behind

Youth
Strength and pride
Upraised chins
Defiance
Time keeps going
Work
Children
Bodies fail and age
Memories

Heavy as rocks
Try to hold on to Life
Time stops short
Ends

Almighty One

All that there ever was
Was You Almighty God
All that will ever be
Will be you Almighty God
You are the only One
Who loves me anyway

Forgive me
For you made me thus
Passion for many
Undirected unknown
Every love poem I write
Is to You
Revealed in each soul I love

Sweetest pain it is
To love so much
With only You and I here
But I know Your love
For me is past my understanding
So I hope my tears are Your diamonds
Though made only of glass

If You are all I have left
Let me love You in every face
Let me see You every place
Let me laugh with you
With every friend
Direct that Love towards me
I need You
You Love me

Heart throat aches
Tears dropping
If You will only see favour
In the least of these
In Your Keeping I am
Smile at my mistakes
You knew I would make them

If I could only love You
As much as I need You
Almighty God they think I do not pray
They think I do not know
They think I am not aware of You
You know

Within the Dream

Squeeze the wind from the tartan bags
Pluck the raindrops from the stringed harp
Blow away last year’s leaves with sharp exhales
Upon the flute play the bodhran boom
Vibrate the skies and fill the eyes
Until they make rivers
Fill the seas and dance on feet
World wandering wonder’s beheld
Never leaving the dream of dreams

By the Word of One

By the word of One
Siren song
Calls the faithful
To the shelter from the winds
For winds rule the prairie here
By the word of One

Watch dark skies
Pregnant with rain and bolt
Round bellied clouds scud
Icy clatter white maracas
Pelt the Summer window
By the word of One

Facing east
Thrown around my head
A shirt I was going to wear
Playing Pool Games
Whispered prayers
Blowing into the blow
Huuuuuuu
By the word of One

Gemstones In My Crown

The riches that I made

Are nothing about material in this life

There are some people
You never can stop loving
No matter how much you try
They are like a one way light-switch
They are light all the time
Not always easy to explain why
Sort of like a meeting of minds
Where all the hidden sweetness finds
More of it’s kind
I can’t stop loving
I tried my best
It’s not my nature to be heartless
I failed that test
But this is how it is supposed to be
Or it would never be this way
I would never feel sad
Because of you another day
But the sadness is beautiful too
Yes worth it all are you
All of you who sent the lights
In cold dark nights
Who made the lonely world
Worth living for
It was written you for me
Even for a year or maybe only three
Even though you might be gone forever
That is only here upon the dirt
Gone you are never
You beat behind this shirt of flesh I wear
Everywhere like springtime flowers
Summer showers and the winds
That sweep down prairie plains
Once I was sad I had to carry all the memory
But now I see the beauty of the gemstones
In the crown of my heart

Kick Up The Green

Spring is starting to
Kick up the green
Rare
Red blood inside
Art we are
Want to
Make you
Guess what
I want to make you
King
Head into the sky
Jump on the unseen
I can
Go go go
Every word floods
I am the crafter
You are clay
Let me make you
Oh oh oh
Let me make you
Kick up the green

Sine Wave Shimmy

Don’t ask
Just
MOVE
Shadows
Bang bang
No not
DEAD
Little little
Grind
That rhythm
Big moon
Hahaha…haha
Spring sprung undone
Pari ji
Chand moon
Sun frown down
MOVE
Smile hustle
It won’t matter
Tomorrow
SNAP
Shimmy sine wave
Don’t ask

Skip

Skip fast
The kids are quick
Wheels popping on curbs
Step stop
Laughing at the falls
Fast fast fast
Before the po po come
Whiz the parking lots
Bright shirts flash by
White smiles
Jump over the speed bumps
Brake fast
Breakfast for the eyes
Careless car-less caress
Oklahoma winds
Skip fast

Moooo…meeennnnn..t

Move it on down th’ river
If you’re not gonna dock
If you’re not gonna rock
In the cradle with me
Move it on down…

I don’t have time
T’ waste thinkin’ of you
If you’re gonna pass by
Wave
Maybe I’m there

Maybe I’m busy with love
Maybe a new boat tied fast
Maybe fishin’ alone
Smilin’ like I ate the sun
Smooth

Movin’ on down the river
Maybe swimmin’
You think you want me
I won’t feed your niaat need
I am takin’ care of business

Move that moooooo minnnnn’ t’
To a beat you can serve
I deserve real
No bad stuff here
I wish you well dear

Move it on down th’ river
If you’re not gonna dock
If you’re not gonna rock
In the cradle with me
Move it on down…

Gone Like Everyone

I am missing someone
Like missing a shooting star
They come and go out of my sky
From near to me and far
I fell in love so many times
I wonder if it’s real
I see that face so many years
And he knows how I feel
Life is like a poem without an end
It’s like a cherished enemy turned friend
I want to talk to him again
But he is gone like everyone
They come and make me fall in love
They leave and then go and live life
They cannot help how great they are
Oh love how sweet the knife it wields
From far away to yesterday
I kneel, at the alter where I falter
Where I feel, maybe there’s a chance
But then I know so well I know…

…Love’s always gonna go…