In Love, no one wants to be second place to another person.
We all want to be first place…
…or at LEAST equal and ‘equal’ is not that easy or simple.
I understand when a guy online, who I really care about, does not want to keep me. (That hardly ever happens but it DOES happen every once in a while.) They have told me what they want. They want a girl who does not have a long list of male friends and admirers. They want a girl who has never been kissed. They want ‘age-mates’. This is understandable in love and I never push anyone to love me I don’t like to make people feel guilty so I just make those people special or I let them go free, if they are uncomfortable with me.
Over time I have come to view my male friends as ‘friends only’ and the idea of love as limited to ‘friends only’.
The reason for this is the same one those few I have loved have had about me: not wanting a ‘shared out’ person.
When male friends come to me upset about a girl they love and ask me for help they are automatically crossed off my list of potential ‘romance’ players. Girls we do this too so if you ever cried to a guy friend about another guy don’t expect him to automatically love you.
People may, indeed, choose to love someone who came to them crying about someone else and that happens too but you really cannot, in all fairness, expect someone to return your sudden passion if they already know how much passion you have had for others.
If you have had alot of passion for others and you suddenly decide you found THE ONE you should make it clear to the world, at the risk to yourself and all future possible romantic partners, that THE ONE is the world and all the rest should go take a hike by themselves.
You should trumpet this from the rooftops and you should delete all the other people from your life your cried about and be ready for the person you think is THE ONE to say,
Most of the time it is best to just be who you are all the time, up front. The guys who have the best luck with the most girls usually are public with the whole thing and really TRULY don’t care for any of their ‘harem’ girls over any of the others and the girls know this and they can leave or stay and that guy is not going to cry over them either way and everyone just has a good time. Those guys are usually Male Barbies. Same goes for the Gals.
You have to be extraordinarily good-looking and self absorbed to get away with that.
Right now I am not feeling very amorous. I am not looking for romance. I do not feel naughty. If I do I will write something and share it but I have (mostly) lost all interest these days because I miss someone. That is OK too. I will probably write some naughty story again one day BUT….
(There is ALWAYS a ‘but’)
…..I have a man online here who is ‘mine’ and I am not looking for another one. The one I have has been with me as a best online friend since 2006. We have an understanding. We know each other and we know both know life is fleeting and we could lose each other any time and we understand that too. We understand what it means to be, ‘together-apart’ and we understand we are free to be with whoever we want as time dictates. I could become less available online at any time and he could marry at any time and we are comfortable with reality.
Life guarantees us nothing. If we get anything we should be grateful for it whether it came for a day, a year or a decade and then was gone. The people we ‘owe’ the most to are our parents.
However much any of us are sinners we are still all human. No matter what you THINK you SEE of me you really have hardly begun the excavation of my ‘self’ even after a year…or two…or a life time. If you have known me a week then all you have done is look at the outside of the house I live in. You have not even stepped inside the door yet.
If you grant me a grand time with verbal master-pieces of word art I am most grateful and if I give that to you also be grateful. It meant we wanted to both do that for the time we did that and that may have only been that one time. We might write together. We might have a project together. Many things might or might not happen in this world but those things do not give me a ‘claim’ on you and your time any more than they give you a claim on mine.
This is why Marriage is such a huge and important act and why it should be the most holy. Because when you marry someone you are agreeing to make both of the houses you ‘live’ in ONE house. At that point you should not be letting strangers in your house and, male or female, you should no longer need the list of admirers as your personal train. Leave the trains to those who are not blessed with the gift of Love.