Essay Number 83756013976.12 On Love

In Love, no one wants to be second place to another person.

We all want to be first place…

…or at LEAST equal and ‘equal’ is not that easy or simple.

I understand when a guy online, who I really care about, does not want to keep me. (That hardly ever happens but it DOES happen every once in a while.) They have told me what they want. They want a girl who does not have a long list of male friends and admirers. They want a girl who has never been kissed. They want ‘age-mates’. This is understandable in love and I never push anyone to love me I don’t like to make people feel guilty so I just make those people special or I let them go free, if they are uncomfortable with me.

Over time I have come to view my male friends as ‘friends only’ and the idea of love as limited to ‘friends only’.

The reason for this is the same one those few I have loved have had about me: not wanting a ‘shared out’ person.

When male friends come to me upset about a girl they love and ask me for help they are automatically crossed off my list of potential ‘romance’ players. Girls we do this too so if you ever cried to a guy friend about another guy don’t expect him to automatically love you.

People may, indeed, choose to love someone who came to them crying about someone else and that happens too but you really cannot, in all fairness, expect someone to return your sudden passion if they already know how much passion you have had for others.

If you have had alot of passion for others and you suddenly decide you found THE ONE you should make it clear to the world, at the risk to yourself and all future possible romantic partners, that THE ONE is the world and all the rest should go take a hike by themselves.

You should trumpet this from the rooftops and you should delete all the other people from your life your cried about and be ready for the person you think is THE ONE to say,

“NO!”

Most of the time it is best to just be who you are all the time, up front. The guys who have the best luck with the most girls usually are public with the whole thing and really TRULY don’t care for any of their ‘harem’ girls over any of the others and the girls know this and they can leave or stay and that guy is not going to cry over them either way and everyone just has a good time. Those guys are usually Male Barbies. Same goes for the Gals.

You have to be extraordinarily good-looking and self absorbed to get away with that.

Right now I am not feeling very amorous. I am not looking for romance. I do not feel naughty. If I do I will write something and share it but I have (mostly) lost all interest these days because I miss someone. That is OK too. I will probably write some naughty story again one day BUT….

(There is ALWAYS a ‘but’)

…..I have a man online here who is ‘mine’ and I am not looking for another one. The one I have has been with me as a best online friend since 2006. We have an understanding. We know each other and we know both know life is fleeting and we could lose each other any time and we understand that too. We understand what it means to be, ‘together-apart’ and we understand we are free to be with whoever we want as time dictates. I could become less available online at any time and he could marry at any time and we are comfortable with reality.

Life guarantees us nothing. If we get anything we should be grateful for it whether it came for a day, a year or a decade and then was gone. The people we ‘owe’ the most to are our parents.

However much any of us are sinners we are still all human. No matter what you THINK you SEE of me you really have hardly begun the excavation of my ‘self’ even after a year…or two…or a life time. If you have known me a week then all you have done is look at the outside of the house I live in. You have not even stepped inside the door yet.

If you grant me a grand time with verbal master-pieces of word art I am most grateful and if I give that to you also be grateful. It meant we wanted to both do that for the time we did that and that may have only been that one time. We might write together. We might have a project together. Many things might or might not happen in this world but those things do not give me a ‘claim’ on you and your time any more than they give you a claim on mine.

This is why Marriage is such a huge and important act and why it should be the most holy. Because when you marry someone you are agreeing to make both of the houses you ‘live’ in ONE house. At that point you should not be letting strangers in your house and, male or female, you should no longer need the list of admirers as your personal train. Leave the trains to those who are not blessed with the gift of Love.

(By MshannonM)

Neglecting Your ‘Inner Barbie’

Firey Kiss (modified)

The other day I had an appointment with my shrink.

Nobody wants to hear another person whine and moan and complain about the bad things in their lives and that is how shrinks came to make a good living.T hey make alot of money to listen to people complain about things while other people starve in Africa. Now the word ‘Shrink’ is short for the combined terms of ‘head-shrinker’ which was originally applied to the profession of the psychiatrist, but has since become a catch-all term for everyone in that field. It is a derogatory term with origins in the idea of your enemies cutting off your head and literally shrinking it to an easily portable size…therefore people pay alot of money to gripe at someone they cannot stand. Of course many people NEED thier heads to be shrunken just a bit as they are so full of themselves that they have grown extremely large heads and must have a cart in which to transport them as the human neck was not designed to carry so much weight. In modern parlance we often refer to these people as ‘Barbie’ and ‘Ken’. These are, of course, allusions to the plastic and fake nature of a certain type of person that is a metaphorical match for the actual plastic dolls themselves.

Interestingly enough Ken is not anatomically representative of a true male and is a further metaphor for what extreme feminism has done to the Western world…but I digress.

ANYWAY!

I had an appointment with my shrink. I was really upset at the lack of males I was able to find in my immediate vicinity. There were HOURDES of creatures who RESEMBLED men all over the place but each time I went fishing I caught a ‘KEN!’ The whole situation was very frustrating to say the least! I told her;

“I am tired of asking for dates and chasing men! Every husband I ever had, I asked them to marry me, and I divourced them. Where are the men? I wear a dress but underneath there is ALWAYS a pair of pants!”

She laughed gently. (Now you have to understand that my shrink is  five foot ten, weighs about 120 pounds, has huge plastic boobs and fake white Chiclet teeth! She is what was once called ‘the blond bombshell’) She said, “You are neglecting your inner Barbie.”

WELL! Some food for thought THERE!

“OK”, I am thinking to myself, “What does THIS mean?” While I am thinking she is smiling serenely. She lightly batted her transplanted eyelashes. Her permanent make-up was flawless. It came to me in a flash that she was a real life Barbie!

“Soooooo….my inner Barbie is SAD?” I asked her.

“Yes your poor inner Barbie has been very neglected.”

Well how could I tell her I was kicked out of a beauty pageant at the age of five for having asymetrical ears! Sheesh! It was not MY fault I was born with pointed ears! After that all my Barbies were hanging by the neck from my ceiling! I asked her,

“Soooooo…does this mean I have to get a boob job and Chiclet teeth?”

All of the sudden she looked HIGHLY offended! Something inside of me snapped and I laughed, “I know! I will BUY my inner Barbie a nose job and a mini-skirt like a hooker and I will buy her those ridiculous stilletto heels!”

By this time my shrink had a murderous look on her face and I realized I had just described her clothing. Somthing in me started to laugh at this point and all 250 pounds of me shook with it. I said, 

“I am going to get plastic surgery and spend about 50,000 dollars trying to look like my poor neglected inner Barbie! Can you write me a disability letter saying that I have this condition so my insurance will pay for it?”

I have to find a new shrink.

The Meat Chain

Long blond true blue
The space between thighs
The requisite size
Perfection partitioned
No nylon tan
Faked silken skin

Real hentai mama
Bouncing in midriff polka-dots
Drinking jello shots

Around her an entourage 
Like Phoolan prettied up
Only no price paid
She never wished but received
Every desire

They were men on fire
One came and even knelt
One young Greek stood
Angry in the corner
She had ordered him away
For being too possessive

He sulked in smoky darkness
Unable to walk away
His eyes burned hungry traces
On every part of her he knew
She was the mother
Of his daughter
One she never wanted
Left at home with dadi
For this constant adulation

For THIS one
I was second.

When he came off stage
He brought her to meet me
He forgot I was a dancer
When he met me
I was
Not as high on the meat chain
But he made me stop
Exposing myself for men
Now he was chasing that again
Only she had a TRAIN….

I looked at my long dowdy skirt
Long sleeved shirt hiding more freckles
I never could tan
I tried

In side that night
She came to me and cried..
“I want him for myself…
Will you please ask him to choose?”

The baby girl cried
In the crib in he back room
She screamed at the child…
“SHUT UP SHUT UP”
She ran in tears outside
Inside
I cried
With the little girl….
We were never good enough.

He came home from the bar
That evening
I faced him
My heart erased him
“Who do you choose?”

“I choose her.”

I left then as cold as the last ice age
She left him four months later
We were friends again…

“I love you”….

I tried to make it work for ten
But then again…
Her face was always there staring
Down the meat chain.