Eviscerated

Fractal Crackers

If I could love you
On nights like this
When everything
Is so lonely the music is
All that speaks to me all
The real men
Are somewhere else
You were born today
They say
So much happening
All at once

When I was cleaning
Strange numbers
From your gift
So like the one
From my papa
I saw his number
Still there

All these years
Later
I called
Still busy

We are all still busy

Wet eyed I will spend
The rest of my life
Looking for you…

…for him…for

Someone like you both
Each in your own way

Profoundly everything

…like me.

The number
Has been busy for years.

Rage like the volcano.
Passion like a Roman Orgy.
Holiness like a Masjid

Or a Cathedral.

Love like The God.
Compassion like a mother.
Hatred like a 1000 devils.

That was us.
Is us.

There are
Some sobs with joy
So intense it eviscerates
A kind of pain that challenges

Breathe another day!

Hiding the face
Of stone the fist
In the skies of fire.

We did not hold back
Anything.
We held back
EVERYTHING.
We broke.
We lived.
Crushed we melted.

I know you are real still
I know we will be real still
All of us
The wanderers
The homeless gypsies
The outcasts

Time will shrink us
Flesh will fade
From our magnificence
We will cannibalize
Each the others souls
Until we are one
Once more

12,613 Kilometers Away…(dedicated to three leaves of the same green)

(Song by Jason Mraz)

…on the other side of the world is this amazing person.

Yeah this is a love story but it is not a typical love story about a man and a woman and how they fall in love on the net and get married and all that…this is a different kind of love story: the kind where one human mind falls in love with another human mind.

I know you love me. I love you too like corn loves to pop. In real life we are both realists and we know how things are. You love your homeland. You are not looking for a ‘free ticket’ out of your beloved mountains and I am not a ‘cougar-hag.’

We have been online friends for over five years now and we were close from the start.

We are soul twins.

We don’t bother about the ‘if this and if that’ because ‘if’ never happened and we don’t waste time offering each other sloppy dreams and lies. I can do that and I have and you probably can too but that is not how we are with each other. I only know that when you message me, from 12613 kilometers away, my whole world has a smile drawn on it like a kindergarten kid would finger paint on life with ice-cream.

I tried to write romances about you and end them where anything more than what we have now begins. You are holy somehow. You are like an angel and I am terrified to make you any more than that. I would rather bask in your presence and enjoy the soul that sits next to mine on this cosmic freeway we wrecked upon and talk about things that never happen on earth…

…only in dreams.

We we stop and sit on the side of the cosmic freeway it feels a little bit like heaven must feel. My shell I inhabit, my world, and everything in it fades and is replaced with the beautiful green things in your mind. In your mind I have walked mountain trails and I have smelled the Eucalyptus trees. I have watched the clouds form rain and smelled the earth across the pregnant stomach of the planet we share. The constant pain I live with goes away and I smile until my face cracks.

I have written stories with you. I have written ideas for you and made groups for you. I have broken photos of you until the crazy beauty of your soul came though and hit people between the eyes. I have taught you language and you have taught me courage. I supported you in every dream and plan until they became reality and you thought you sat next to greatness not realizing that only the great can sit there.

I have shared parts of me with you that no one else on earth knows about and was shocked you still loved me even though you knew those things. I have missed you when you were gone and posted this to you the entire year I heard from you only once. You are so beautiful wearing cinnamon and smiling. I thought you were a marine from Texas for the longest time but I know now you are international in the scope of your mind. I love you so much. You cannot imagine how much.

Over these years you have been my soul, my heart, and my brain. I would not trade any of you for the travesty of what the world names as ‘love.’ I would keep you forever young, forever beautiful, and forever a part of those great people who inhabit the grandest halls of my mind.

You are LOVE!

When Real Life Happens…

…there is not as much time for writing or thinking things in depth. Yet sometimes something beautiful happens and you hear from a special person you wanted to talk to for a long long time.

Some people are soul mates.

Not from male/female passion or even lust but from something past the human ability to give a name to and trying to find a word is like trying to find a single charmed quark in the whole of the known universe. You don’t know why you love them so much you only know you do love them and if there were words big enough you would use them but all you want to do is just grab that person and hug them tight and never let go; not so the action can lead to sex but so you can try to become one person with that person, like a Vulcan mind-meld.

If you are blessed you get one in a life time but if you are really blessed you meet them more than once wearing more than one face. The faces are not ‘traditionally beautiful’ they have the beauty that surpasses that of mere mortals and transcends into the ‘awe-inspiring.’

I see a bird in flight on one face. A bird like a hawk with eyes like a galaxy in the dark and a smile whose signature is joy…on another face I see the eyes of a wise man who lived a 1000 years and the mien of earth, like mountains, with a mind that spans the world and all that is in it…on another face I see the naughty angel who fights an inner jihad much like my own and I see eyes like the part of the sky that has only the faintest stars in a sea of mysterious black on a canvas as fair as cream on feet that pose like a cat poised to strike. Inexplicably I love them almost as much as I love myself. They joined the pantheon of great souls in my life with the golden eyes that shine sun on me and with the deep, curly voice that is like a coiled snake that guards my heart…

…These are loves past human comprehension. Not the love of family only although some are ‘family’ and not the love of brother or sister although some have that role with me…

There is love in this world that thrills to a mere presence, a knowledge that someone is there with you even if it is only in spirit.

How can I be sad when I have been showered with this much beauty to behold in my life?

Friends With The Devil

Raindrops

Once upon a time there was a fellow who made friends with the Devil. He didn’t know it at the time. The Devil was ALOT of fun. It was amazing how much fun they had together. All his buddies noticed and they loved the devil too. By the time that fellow figured out his best buddy was the Devil it was too late all his buddy’s were best friends with the devil too.

He wanted out. There were just a few problems. He really liked the Devil alot. The Devil had all his buddies. The buddies the Devil didn’t have were not around him anymore. So instead of doing the right thing he stayed with the Devil. He stayed from pride because he did not want anyone saying that he was a bastard for getting rid of the Devil. He didn’t didn’t want any of his buddies to say he…

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Get A Parakeet

Psittacula_krameri_-colour_mutations_-pets-8a(photo from Wiki)

I was going to write about men.

I was going to write about how I do not want one because I don’t know that there is any one of them who can convince me I am numero uno. Of course That goes both ways but someone has to be WORTH being ‘numero uno’. I have a thing for guys with the ‘El Rey’ personality and since I have the same personality it is only a matter of time before one of us bites the other one’s head off and ‘El Rey’ types don’t give up grudges that simply. It might take years to get back around to being awesome friends again.

I was going to write about guys but instead I think I will write about what I know about marriage,(which is probably precious little, seeing how I failed a few of them under the ‘divource whip’ of my personality). My personality remembers every bad thing anyone ever said to me. My personality knows my mothers desire to divource, which she gets to live through me over and over again because she cannot break the law of God. (We are talking about a woman who STILL thinks being a nun would be cool!)

So what can I tell anyone about marraige? Well, First thing is: Passion dies, and dies and dies and no matter who you move on to it still dies and pretty soon that awesome dude is a beer swilling, porno hound, with very bad breath who does not like the things that keep you thin! When passion dies I, too, have a transformation. I turn into a nagging, evil harpy who beats him over the head with every bad thing he did and if that does not work I jump right in and join the fray: You watch your porno gals/I watch my porno guys. You drink your beer/I pop my pills. You go see the titty dancers/I go see the male strippers. You bring home ‘Barbie’/ I sleep with all your friends. So if you wanna marry someone better make sure you are REAL friends cause if you ain’t…there is gonna be a DEEEEEEE-VORCE HORSE takin’ one of you away!

Second thing is getting older. When you are 20-something it is all about hotness. When you are 30-something it is all about stability. When you are 40-something the guys hormones are ‘petering’ out…(pun intended) and the gals hormones are screaming, “I WANNA GET…..uhm….dinner and a movie.” (word deliberately omitted.) Now I am closing in on 50 at lightning speed and well…I wanna be treated like a little girl. (yeah yeah yeah LYAO!)

DADDDYYYYY!!!!!

Oh shit!

He’s MARRIED to someone who was alot nicer than me who put up with all his bullshit until his brain grew UPWARDS (yeah yeah yeah LYAO!) Or, (Horror of horrors!), he is a male version of me!!!! So this is what I think about marraige…if you see it coming… …RUN LIKE THE DEVIL IS AFTER YOU!

Get a Parakeet and teach it to say ‘Fuck You.’ It’s alot more FUN!

Friends With The Devil

Once upon a time there was a fellow who made friends with the Devil. He didn’t know it at the time. The Devil was ALOT of fun. It was amazing how much fun they had together. All his buddies noticed and they loved the devil too. By the time that fellow figured out his best buddy was the Devil it was too late all his buddy’s were best friends with the devil too.

He wanted out. There were just a few problems. He really liked the Devil alot. The Devil had all his buddies. The buddies the Devil didn’t have were not around him anymore. So instead of doing the right thing he stayed with the Devil. He stayed from pride because he did not want anyone saying that he was a bastard for getting rid of the Devil. He didn’t didn’t want any of his buddies to say he was jealous of the Devil and the Devil was his best buddy now and already he sinned a million times cause of that Devil and made other people sin for that Devil too.

The worst part was knowing that the Devil loved him better even then his own friends seemed to. His friends loved the Devil better than anyone in the world. Even worse than that….it was all his fault.

One day he found himself alone. The Devil had everyone and everyone loved the Devil best. Hardly anyone was left but the Devil. Then the Devil left too and there were very few friends left and none of them close anymore. He asked one to find him another devil, after all he was worth nothing to anyone now having given everything to the Devil. That friend. one of the beloved ones…said he would be a devil and then he was gone. Even more alone and with less heart left than ever he tried to find another and an even more precious person said to him, You are nothing so we can be close.”

He went to That one’s house and saw reminders of a time when there was no devil. He was very sad. He now knew that many of the devil’s best friends were just holy pretenders and that those they would call the worst of sinners were acting more like Allah wished. He missed those sinners with all his heart. They were gone.

He sat down on a curb to think. He went to see what the Devil was about with open eyes and realized there was nothing there but lies and fantasy. He too was now nothing but a lie and a fantasy. The good ones were not there and The Devil had won all hearts because the few, ‘good’ people could not be attractive enough.

As he sat there he wondered what would be best…To ask forgivness and eat the bullet now or wait for the fires of Hell and have a great time on the way out…but he knew one thing beyond all other things: That this world belongs to the Devil….until the last days….

(inspired by Arif’s video)