The Ones We Never Get

The most epic loves are the ones we never get.

I say this, not to take away from those relationships that people have throughout their lives because it takes a deep and spiritual love to stay the course with someone for 40 or 50 years and forgive the horrendous things humans do to each other, but I say this in the sense of the idea of a kind of dream-like purity that transcends the ordinary. Of this unrequited love the stuff of epic myth and romance comes. Beethoven composed ‘Fur Elise’ and Edgar Allan Poe wrote ‘Annabelle Lee’ for these reasons.

But it isn’t always about who dies. Death can also be metaphorical. A person can spend a lifetime at the altar of Love and never have ‘it’ as ‘It’ is understood from time immemorial. The Kama Sutra was written by monks living on a mountaintop.

The love you never get is exquisite. It takes on a life of it’s own and it becomes a part of the definition of who we are as we project ourselves onto it in a way that could never be if we had to live with it’s human counterpart every day. It is never indecorous. It is the perfection of Galatea. It never grows old. We may grow old but it lives inside our brains like a diyah light in a dark and endless Alone. It is the companion of the old, the poor, and the forgotten. It is the muse of poets and artists and it is the reason why the one no one wants, smiles, for no reason, in the flow of uncaring Life.

This is the love that sings chorus after chorus of the impossible and rides the crest of dreams. It is the Voice of the self that seeks to belong to itself and it is the desire to give freely of the secrets you have made of the epic nothingness you shaped into beauty. It is the unspoken savagery of lust and the soaring flights of purity and it sings the whole range from bass to soprano with one throat.

It looks at the world from a thousand faces so lovely and yet so unaware of their own beauty and it holds them like gems, uncaring they be glass or diamonds. Yet with millions of words there is no way to describe how this great love feels in it’s totality of expression from the depths of the sewers to the roof of the skies.

The love you never get cannot be owned, It can’t be traded or tossed away or forgotten. It will find you while you cry over what was lost and take your hand and lead you into a new tale. It is never wasted time. For some it is all they will ever have. The love that was never conquered is like nature in it’s pristine and untamed state: lovely and devastating.

It makes you joyous you can still feel the depths of loss even as you get up out of the pool of tears and keep on going.Roses

She Sings the Words Alone

  1. He sent them:
    To me, all beautiful women
    He could have for a smile
    Or a quest like war
    Killing love for it’s own sake
    “Still I wanted him
    To love me.”
    She sang the words
  2. Suspended,
    Before the chase
    Blood covenants spilled and broken
    For promises
    For kingdoms
    Twist yours into mine
    “Birth these devils for us
    Double blade inside you
    All your life.”
    She sings the words
  3. My heart hold itself now
    For a song
    She sang words I dreamed
    She belonged where I wanted to be
  4. Now a snake awakens
    Rattles shaking
    Bare your smile for the kill she sings
  5. He never wanted me
    My own hands caress my soul
    I ride my own horse
    I write my own place
  6. He can say
    He did
  7. He believed it too
    She sang a song
    That emptied his chances
  8. To keep me forever
    Greek chanting chorales to the play
    “I am the alien .” she sings the words,
    “Winds and thunderstorms
    Make love to me.”
  9. Background noises
    Sounds of men who used to be
    Passed into yesterday
    Epic even though they fell
    For other loves
    I do not even own my own
    It flies
  10. Lost
  11. Over dark continents
    Seeking
    Learning
    That nothing is worth
    The pain of everything she sang
    Words carried drops of confusion
    Smelling
    Of old perfume and inverted logic
  12. Really it was men
    Stumbling in a giants footsteps
    Trying to walk
    In prints to big to fill
    Carrying a broken heart
    Before she broke
    She sang the words
    I put into her mouth to sing
  13. She came near
    Once she filled my nose
    With the smell of sweat
  14. Now she sings the words
  15. No one ever really heard them
    Humans don’t know
    How to hear the aliens
    The glory of life swells
    It plays arias of love
    It plays with hearts
    Letting out the life
  16. Stopping
    Each beat forced
    Ideas ripped away
    She sings the words for angels
  17. Juxtaposition
    A punishment of words she sang
    Breath hurts the chest
    Tight
    Notes shot from taut strings
    Sounds killing
    Metal tipped destroyers
  18. My own soul I love alone
    I eat alone
    I drink it’s blood alone
    I sign it’s agreement
    In blood by myself
  19. The roar of crowds is for others
    Men worshipping are not for me
    They no longer worship God
    They worship Giants
    They worship youth and strength
    They worship beauty and power
    Yearning for magic
    Quicken your feet
    They are walking

Facebook Asks Me…

…What’s on my mind?

Fantasy
Sexual odes to Love,
Iridescent bubbles,
Slow dancing with angels,
Infatuated euphoria,
Transforming,
Music that makes me smile,
Writing love songs to my beloved
Sprung full grown from my brain
After giving me a headache

What’s on my mind…

Dark eyes filled with stars,
Leather and sheesha,
Galloping across the plains,
Mountains in the distance,
Hawks on our wrists,
Flung skywards
Full of prayers

What’s on my mind…

Deep blue evening,
Round pebbles making water speak,
Hung around your neck
Wear me,
And I will wear you,
Leaning on the tree to big to move,
Breathing in you
Breathing out you
In and out moving
Into darkening
Cool

What’s on my mind…

The room The screen The words The end.

The Definition

Sometimes I wonder why the things that are supposed to have a great result have a bad result and the regular things just have a neutral result but nothing seems to have a positive result. People have blamed me for that without being in my mind to realize that, when I embark on a new venture, I do it with my whole heart and enthusiasm and full belief, (even though I have been shown over and over again), that THIS new thing will work…

…only it doesn’t.

The reality for most is that is nothing can be done and things get worse whether or not we want them too. Someone special inspired me with a hadith about suffering and how there are rewards for that and something about those words was majickal…..

…hmmm…

Sometimes this is the place to divert yourself when the pain, silence and the aloneness all in and around would drive a lesser person insane…but then…maybe….?????

Hahahaha!

Belief helps achieve things there is no doubt that it does, BUT belief alone does not make things happen without action…and sometimes even belief with action changes nothing or even makes things worse when it was supposed to make them better.

Someone who once called me ‘negative’ told me this, “You know what happened in the old days to people who did not get the kind of things you need and that they are too scared to help you with right?” (That was really so POSITIVE but she is a true angel and means well.)

Yes.

I saw my fathers adoptive mother die like that with a morphine pump…that does not mean that will happen to me or not happen to me or that anything anyone says or dreams or does will or will not be.

DO DREAM! DO ACT! DO TRY! Just be cause it does not work does not mean you should lay down and give up…at the same time do not live the definition of insanity, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome…but more even than this never judge someone for the worst, based off of what you THINK they are given, the tiny bit of knowledge you might have about them from online…EVEN IN REAL LIFE you can hardly know your own parents and all that made them who they are or even begin to understand why one human being is one way and another human being is another way.

Walk your own path…
I am the only one who can walk mine…