Become the Cookie!

2008-10-10 15.57.32

It isn’t ‘either/or’ it is ‘and/and’.

That is something people sometimes don’t understand about me. Most do but most are not trying to marry me. The very few who want me all to themselves, for some reason, miss the point that there are people in the world I love and the choice is not ‘me or everyone else’, the choice is ‘me AND everyone else.’

I have been in long term marriages and relationships with people who defined the meaning of ‘relationship’ as ‘either/or’. I was that was once myself and imposed a vast loneliness upon myself thinking that was the right thing to do.

It isn’t.

What happens when it is either/or is the eventual growth of dependency, martyrdom and, in the end, actual dislike. People in healthy relationships have ‘others friends’ and having those friends does not mean they are cheating and much of the time those friends are the same gender and they are not gay OR lesbian.

Human beings need approbation from each other. We need good times and a circle of love to live in. We need more than one friend and even, sometimes, if we are very lucky, more than one ‘bestie.’

I am not gonna lie and say I am perfect. I play here every once in a while and those people have respect and they KNOW that the ‘love’ that we have is based on a solid understanding of reality. I don’t stalk their pages to see what girls they like and, actually, I don’t chat that much with them either and they know I don’t cam and they respect the kind of person I am and I try to give that back and if I KNOW someone is married I step back.

But the last couple of years I hardly do that anymore either. Only once in several months. I am getting older and less interested in that stuff as anything more than ‘word games for the brain.’ A friend from a long time ago taught me this term, ‘mental masturbation.’ I didn’t do it with you either kid because I just couldn’t. I ‘lost it’ and did that with someone a little more mature. Someone who understands he and I are never going to be together and has no expectations of me and treats me like a good friend still.

It’s weird because being online is kind like interactive TV. You might really have a crush on someone and, in the old days, you got to stare at a movie or a poster and the only interaction was the one you had with yourself. Now you can go online and find ‘hotties’ with cams set up that do nothing all day but ‘interact’ and the chances of the one who is in love with that girl (and guys too these days!) will get that one for a life partner are about as probable as getting to marry Leonardo DiCaprio or Angelina Jolie.

It gets a little bit ridiculous but we can’t help ourselves even if we have self control. The world might see someone who never does anything wrong and that one might be carrying around ‘Justine’ in their head and you would never know it. That brings us back to what I started. It can never be, in the real world of real people, ‘either/or’. No matter HOW MUCH you want that big cookie all to yourself SOMEONE is gonna bite it while you aren’t looking. That is life.

That big cookie is love and everyone loves that big cookie and if you are gonna love people you are gonna be sharing that big cookie with the whole world and that big cookie might have sex in it but it really has nothing at all to do with sex and everything to do with basic human needs. The thing that makes people the most loved and envied is not how much of that cookie they can eat but whether or not they have the ability to ‘become the cookie.’

Why Do You Come Here?

I am turning in for the night…..I miss some of you a lot but it’s all good…..Someone asked me “Why do you come here?”

Well a big part of it is art and writing. Part of it is learning things. Maybe one of the most important parts is sharing all that with people I love a great deal.

You see I don’t dance anymore…or play a musical instrument…I don’t date anyone in real life…I don’t party…no alcohol no drugs no sex no no no no…

No real life either and getting one the way I am is not that easy….(well it could be if I had no standards but I have standards.)

What you know of me here then is, in a very real sense, the me the ‘real’ world does not see…indeed the ‘real’ world does not see much of me at all and when I am in the real world I am very quiet most of the time these days.

So this IS my world:

This IS my ‘Final Fantasy’…it even has devils and goblins and people who think they can fly….crazy people…sane people….but the best ones of all are the magical people.

So I miss you Cinnamon and it looks like I will be missing Sky too…but it’s all good…There is always another soul waiting to warm a cold and tired mind at the fires of mine.

How to Live a Life With Two

You can’t save me
I can’t save you
I remember the day
You told me that
Our addictions did
Not belong to each other
It cannot go both ways
It can’t be all my fault
And none of yours
‘Cause with us 1 plus 1
Only equalled one
Half of you and half of me
Left half of us alone
You can say you gave 100
But I will claim the same
At the end of everything
We each cared more about
Me than you and if you say
It ain’t so you are lyin’ too
Yo ain’t it about time we
Owned up to fact that we
Were both too selfish and needy
To understand how to give
How to live a life with two

One Of These Days…

…I’m gonna take a long hike
Out past where the sun goes down
Wind is gonna smell like vanilla clover
Sun is gonna drip gold all over me
I am gonna smile…eat that light
Stride long to a mountain

One of these days
I’m gonna climb far
Red granite rocks to the blue sky
I will jump down the rocks again flying
Every rock will share itself with me
A place for sure quick feet
Until I reach tall-grass

One of these days
I will close my eyes open
Flex my shoulders…spread wings
Wind is gonna lift…I am gonna sail high
Circle up drafts down again
Arrowing in playful arcs
Landing on green

One of these days

If You Will

If you
Will

Smile

For what I send
With good intent
I feel the smile
Never
Needing your face
You are
Let me
Walk
Next to you
Into
Dreamscapes
Here we
Will drink

The Wild Unknown
Drunken
Step
In unison
Soul to soul
If you
Will

Smile

Smile

Don’t get too close to the joy
It will go away one day
Empty hands once more facing upwards
Dropped head dropped tears dropped heart
Not broken anymore but ground to sand
Under all the feet 
I would hold you all in my heart forever
Even those who are gone
You will always be there
Even if you never know

Life is about lost things
Lost people lost dreams
Each one will spin with me to eternity
Until it all turns to light
I wanna be part of your universe
Your imprint on the ether
You have no idea how many faces you wear
You: always there
Looking out of amazing eyes

I hope one day we all meet
Where everything is green
Where fruit falls off the trees into your hands
Without thinking…

Jewels spill through trembling fingers
Lost to the River Lethe
But somehow I remember everything
Praying every journey ends with sweet
You never leave my heart
You never leave my mind
When I am sad I remember You

….and smile….

…and smile…..

..and..

Smile.

(MshannonM)

The Face

Face
Serious always
But the rare smile
Is like a second sun
Warming every friend around
Who can see it
I am jealous
I can see that smile
Only in a photograph
If it moves me so
In static non motion
How much more
Does it make hearts dance
Who can stand nearby
Even strangers
Must smile when you smile
How is it I can feel you who are
Without being near
Yet you are as near to me
As my hands that type these words
As lovely as the light
That comes out
In that smile
Is every mountain ever climbed
Snow and treelines green
In season
In that smile are birds flying
Rain falling
Wind singing treetop music
In that smile
Are all the centuries
It took to make it
All the ones who came before
Chaining each locked on the other
Like lovers made
Until love made that smile
Until that smile becomes love
Another link will lock
In time chaining love to love
And I will be jealous not to see the smile
That a new smile sees
Opening it’s eyes on the earth
Still surrounded by angels
Seeing them more clearly than this life
So did you and I
Once the same
Smile toothless smiles at golden light
You are beautiful
So poor an expression of the heart
It houses
Until you smile