The Magic Bullshit Shield

Imagery.

I imagine something and make it viewable. I write something and make it imaginable. I + mage = Image. We are all mages, tricksters and creators. ALL of us. How this expresses itself is the only variable.

I respond, with my tactile senses, to something and it moves me to a non-tactile ‘place.’ It moves me to the ‘mage magic’ place. This is expressed in so many ways. When I was young there was a girl who was on the cheerleading squad. I only have seen this once in my life and I have seen many cheerleading squads but she was exceptional.

Why?

I tried to figure it out for a long time. She had short, dirty dishwater blond hair. She had terrible acne. She could not do the splits of any of the fancy stuff the rest of the squad did. Her parents were poor and not ‘town team sponsors’ (which will often get an ‘average’ girl an ‘exceptional’ placement.) She was NOTHING at all like a cheerleader and she was not even a SNOB!

She was like no one I ever met and I liked her and so did everyone else. I asked her, while riding that ugly yellow signature school-bus, what her secret was. See, at that time, everyone was calling me a ‘witch’ and so I was studying that. In those days, way out in the tall grass boonies of Oklahoma, in those ranch town libraries, about the only thing you could find was about the Salem Witch Trials. She looked at me in a strange way and then she said, “I am happy and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I am happy anyway.”

She really WAS happy but there was more to it than that. Her personality ‘stuck out’ farther than her skin. Her soul was larger than her body. After that I started to LOOK AT people and LOOK INTO them. I learned this:

The two do not always match.

There are those walking around in this world who are very powerful people and yet do not fit any descriptors of what a powerful person should look like or be. In doing this I met many such people over the course of my life. There was the young man who was the shortest, most snaggle toothed kid in the school and yet, when he played music, the girls who hung out with the homecoming queen would ask him out on dates. Once his band mates asked him what his secret was and why weren’t they getting any action as they were tall and ripped in comparison to him. He just smiled and shook his head.

There was the hippie English teacher who was weird and stoned and yet we learned more in her class, than we ever would learn anywhere else, about language and how it works. She was tall and strange with wild black hair and everyone made fun of her. She didn’t care what they thought.

It wasn’t the ‘I don’t care’ that is a REACTION to bullies and their bull shit but an ACTION that told the bullshit people, before they reached that stage, that their bullshit was not going to work.

That was the secret. Understanding what bullshit is and making yourself impervious to it.

Bullshit proof.

So for the New Year hits that is my wish for all my friends: that you keep, or learn to wield, your magic ‘bullshit shield.’

Strange…

…so many things wrong and so many things right all at the same time. In spite of the list of very real ailments I am blessed and things could always be worse…

…In sha Allah they will be better.

I always dreamed that this age and time in my life would be so much different. I dreamed I would have already seen the other side of the world and I would have married someone and been a part of a family.

It didn’t work out that way.

Maybe I should have let the men come to me to ask for me but I think, had I done that, I would maybe have become a nun or maybe a reluctant lesbian from sheer desperation.

Instead I spent my life hunting with the hunters…well at least the part of my life when that was possible…so many years this was not possible.

He is still very beautiful. He lives like a song in my head and probably always will. He has more than one name and face but he is beloved beyond compare. Each of him is special in different ways from the first ‘love-of-my-life’ at 29 years old to the first ‘best-friend-of-my-life’ just out of high-school. Never a princess or even a queen yet I was always needed before I left each one as the hurricane in my life moved me on intractable winds. How often I gave up the huge rebellion only to ‘get even’ with the smaller, and often more dangerous ones…

I am not very good with chaos. Much like the ‘Rain Man’ I best function in a well-ordered and predictable universe but, once upon a time, I escaped that for a fraction of my life.

It was glorious.

Anyway I am thinking of all the people I love…

This one’s for you…Love you

(Thank you Elton John)