Papa

Papa

We say goodbye
Each moment flies away
I never loved you enough

We

We loved so deeply it was hate
Our strong weakness
Belonging no where
To no one
Escaping any way we could

The unlivable moment

The unlivable moment
I fight the demons you left behind
You lived them
I let my mouth form your words
Until you could not stand
You use my eyes to see
I am now in your tracks
You walk with me now
The future of lost impossibilities

You tried so hard
Inspiring death
You tried to be
Inspiring fear
A man no one taught you to be
Inspiring awe
Working each idea each day
Hurling prayers in tornadic winds
Throwing time away
A force like Nature
For all our sakes

A Titan

A baby crying
The bloody walls
You tried to teach me
The bloody halls
You tried so hard
The moment peace came
Intensity without a name
In golden strength
Singing away the years
Until you sang
Tears slide into tears
Waves of life away
One tear slides
Full of burning water

The saddest part
That loved never loved
Of each of you
Full of your heart
Screams in my head
Every tear falling now
Old lullabies

Old lullabies
Can we start everything again
When love was a river
Walk against this limit
When there was a family
Papa take my hand
When there was a chance
To

LIVE

One Pair Of Shoes

We will go
One day

Where green hills
Roll up
Fling green capes
Over raw rocks
Icy cold
Clean streaming Life
Swimming in smiles
Away from judgement
Competition
Only to enjoy
Music sung by crickets
Birds and rain
Air bubbles trapped
On wet pebbles
Racing over star sparkles

Far away
You and I

Little one
Freckled gamin-faced
Sad and merry eyes
Unable to believe
Unable to give up
Hope amidst chaos

A place
Where no one is ugly
No one compares
How lovely is a colour
Or a shape or face
No one is alone
I will take you
Where Love lives

Reach up
Take my hand
Remember
All the days

We

Always

Are

Together even when
Each believing
We walked
In only one pair
Of shoes
With only one pair
Of feet

Our house
Will not last forever

We

Will

Take my hand
One foot
Next step
One foot
Next step

One our steps
Will rise up
Out of road dust
Into deep skies
Past space debris
Past Time

Almighty One
Always we were
Always are

Your song
Your words
Your creation

Wheel

Tonight
All wars are over
The last of distant bombs
Detonate

Over

Wandering landscapes
Hope sprouts
Into harsh air
Acid rain
Trying
To teach Earth
To breathe again
Crawling

Out

From holes in the ground
Living tombs
Stocked
With caloric need
They thought
Thinking
There would be
Something left

For the strong

Even Alexander
Cannot whisper here

Tears fade
Eyes look up
Wandering skies
Lost clouds
Uncertain winds wobble
Like uncertain legs

Feet pointed
Both directions
Envying the dead
Their peace

Resolute

Yet inside deep
The seed of survival
Seeks to recreate memory
Into reality
Into joy
Into towering perfection
Words spill
From quivering old lips
From dried tongues

Stories

Beings who flew
Beings who built
Beings who changed the earth

Into the world

Around new fires
New myths come
Everything has changed

Wide eyed
New children
So different
From those who used to be

Pretend

Build things
Called ‘Sky Scrapers’
Out of junk and stone
And say it was destroyed
By God because of pride
The days the world
Spoke one language

Fire rained down
Fire was the clouds
Fire was the only thing that lived

Everyone glows
This light from within
Entire creation

Glows

Radiates

LIVES in such
Those Dark Ages
Could not see

That the cover slipped
Off of now
Will be became
Was also present

All at once

The wheel
Invented all over again

Begins

To turn

Jaffary and the Bush People

The world was fresh then. New and bright and full of promise we were immortal and had not yet faced the things that life would serve us. We had cried many tears already and had no idea how many more we were to cry. We thought we had already suffered more than the world needs any human being to suffer but we had no idea what suffering really was. We were epic. We were so certain of every part of Life.
They called us ‘The Bush People’ and we were that. We were an odd little group of people knit together by some strange diplomacy that allowed a mix of extremes that would not, normally, be allowed. We had a minor reputation.
It began on an Ivy League college campus 1000 years ago just yesterday. That day a man I knew only as ‘Jaffary’ had invited me to coffee in the hostel across from the campus and what was supposed to be a social meeting quickly turned into a fencing match. While we sipped up a whole pot of caffeine spiked coffee this man, wearing an expensive three-piece suit, tried to convince me to go up to his room with him.
“Why should I? We can talk down here just fine.”
It was the end of the days of the Oil Boom. I was 24 years old. I thought I was ancient.
“You can make ALOT of money if you come with me!”
“If you mean the kind of money women make for sex I have been there and done that. I am not interested.” I sipped my third cup of coffee actually enjoying the verbal fencing with this guy but also feeling a chorus of danger singing in the back of my head. This made the whole situation even more piquant. I should have long gone of course but I had to stay to see the snake charmer in action…
…being an Ophiuchus.
“You are beautiful…” he went on praising me and I almost blew hot coffee through my nose trying not to laugh. “…we need models to show off cars and clothes for our company and you would be perfect.”
I smiled at him, “You are lying but this is interesting. I told you I have been there and done that and you are trying to sell me this idea so you can sell me?”
His face changed then. I went to the bathroom and came back and he poured me some more coffee with a smirk on his face and then smiled and said, “Have one more cup for the road and I will leave you alone.” Something told me that would be a bad idea and I turned him down, politely, and left. He stalked me on campus for a little while and that is how I met, and became, one of the ‘Bush People.’
I crossed the road back to the campus and went to English Class and the teacher there instantly disliked me. The feeling was mutual. I was a ‘back bencher’ at the time and he was sitting two rows ahead of me. Just before she called the roll, on the first day of class, I called out in front of the whole class, “Hey you with the long hair!” There was only one of him with long hair. He knew this although he did not turn around to look right away. “You have beautiful hair!”
He laughed. That was the perfect laugh: angelically evil. “Thank you!” he said while the teacher gave us a dirty look and called roll. (The teacher loved handsome guys, it turns out, and ended up liking him and hating me because I got to hang out with him.)
After class he came up to me and smiled.
He had vampire teeth and I loved that. Real ones not fake caps. I was talking to a real life vampire that ‘sparkled’ before that sort of thing ever existed. We went to the student union and I let him eat all my pizza. As we walked out we found out we also had psychology class together and I saw Jaffary, with a briefcase, following us. I looked at my new friend and had to tell him what had happened before class.
“He is following us he is right back there…look…”
I pointed but Jaffary was gone.
He grinned like a happy devil. “If you see him again don’t point or act like you saw him. Just tell me and I will kill him for you.”
I was in love.
We would never be lovers but, in all the years, he would become among those I never forgot.
The Guro

Words Words Words

No sleep no
Sleep no sleep
How can you love me

I understand me not
No no no no so it goes
On on on the hours pass by

Alone alone alone fall fall
Almost like we fight while smiling
Or maybe you are water

Moving easily around the obstacles I throw
These humpty dumpty beats of my heart
Looking for a certain grin

From far away and long ago
Was it sounding wobbled flautists
Curling notes back from core notes peeled

Like boiled eggs never hatched
Go go go swaying away
Like the old fashioned ladies stalking flower pots

Beats beats beats this fist of flesh with every
Word word word swaying today
Gone gone gone staccato stately slide

In a gliding road winding forwards always
Here here here is where is was all erased
Whisper softly those words

They terrify me more than death
Love means you suffer
Until the words

Words words words of this day eight years ago
Were finally fulfilled

Prayer

Let me write to you
The taut suspense time throws
Over the horizon
Before light raises a warm, bright hand
Covering a world that has forgotten angels.
Mercy.
Compassion.
Pray my Love pray!
Pray for limitless joy!

Pray for blind humanity
Clacking the words
Describing a world reft of touch and dreams
Left in the spark firing pistons of the human mind
Tickling dancing chemicals
Neuronal travellers astral
Leaving into dreams.

Hold me closely
In the moment of discovery
When souls magnetic mergers
Excite the unseen fields.

In The Dream,
Body to body twined
Blood to blood
As two become one
Rocketing like prayers of joy into Paradise.

Mercy.
Compassion.
Pray my Love pray!
Pray for limitless joy!

We need more
Than the food light grows in a surface of dust
Like a child’s face at play.
We are that nameless thing
Connecting to each other in wild desire.
We are the chill on scalp and neck,
Rolling down backs
Curved in intense prayer.
We are the mouths
Open in amazement as cities grow
Change and fall
Then rebuilt upon the fallen
Rocks that shook before

Mercy.
Compassion.
Pray my Love pray!
Pray for limitless joy!

We are forever.
We are the signature of God upon the earth.
We are trees of leafless heat
Cracking the dark stormy skies
The thunder of hooves on summer dry plains
Vast they are a sea of grass
Recalled
Only by the imprint of the memory
Of antecedents in spiraled words
Who wrote our being
With the quills of spirits flying before and behind
The point of time that is all things all at once.
Rip off the mask!
Show the universe your smile!
Creation sings for you.
The trees cry for you.
The oceans roar for you.
Rise!
Rise fearless into perfection!

Mercy.
Compassion.
Pray my Love pray!
Pray for limitless joy!

Home

After the juice of life is gone
Some stain of it
Will colour the glass you drink from
That once held my spirit
Full of you
Like distant storms
Towering and cloaked in majesty
Wearing every word I wrote
Transformed into gems
Sewn into air
Falling like rain stutters on cement
Or slaps upon the sand
I will cup both hands
Until they fill with you
Sparkling dazzles into what I was
You will become real
Time will cease it’s rot
We will see the majesty
Braiding our being into epic love
Handfuls of your hair
Knotted at your neck
I will decorate you with all of me
Behind two closed eyes
This old tale told anew
The velvet and the bite
Lucent sweetness electric
Floods of thought angelic horns
Sonorous sound sliding
Over staccato rills melting
Into rain ice recedes
We heal one another trading
Love for pain that lesson you
Taught me in a dream
Becoming one together swaying
You became me
And I decided to live the time left
If you would hold me near you
Even while separated by dimensions
I feel your hands move through me
As if I were smoke healing
With such reverence
No never
Was I so precious to anyone
As I was to you
Who tried to appear
In a form like mine
Your love
That will wait softly
These human moments
Until I come
Home

Ragged Holes

Tonight I dance alone again
Fantasies I create
Illusions so perfect
Like a ballerina spinning
On a music box
The metal prongs
Twinkling out the tune
Plucked from ragged holes
Stabbed into a circle
I call my soul
You will be here with me
Although I am alone
There is no sorrow now
You are as free
As every note played
From every flute
On every lonely hill-side
Those holes sing
Every time the cold winds
Blow through
Your life breath playing
Music for me to dance to

Alone

Every Life is Epic

Life is a choice.

We don’t have to choose to stay but we do stay. We stay to honour what God made even if no one else honours us. We sing our own songs by ourselves if we must. We wake up every day and keep going even when there does not seem to be a reason to live one more minute. We do this because of Love. In spite of all the things people have said against us we keep on. No matter how alone things are…no matter how many words are written for no reason…nothing matters except the will that says, “Carry on.”

Then, from the floor of the abyss of Hell you look up and see the angels singing, you see the stars shining, and you know you are not alone! There may be no people near but there are spirits everywhere offering you their love and help. It no longer matters what the world will do. Life and death become immaterial. You get up off the floor and stand.

Suddenly God is everywhere! Suddenly the entire universe praises in chorus! All of the petty intrigues and directed wars on this earth are shown in their true light: A play. A play directed by puppets who think they have control of something and have control of nothing. A play written by those who think they know the ‘secret’ and they know so little they would seem like infants who split one atom before the God who made every atom and allowed them to split one.

All we are given to be did not come from our own creation. We were given these things to be, even the things we would call a mistake, we are both the good and the evil. We are the light and the dark, and though we choose we are still destined to live the words written on the fabric of the universe.

Live them then! Whatever they are you have been given to be. Be that!

Never think you know what it is someone else’s job to be. You can only live one destiny here and now. Walk forwards into the strongest winds. If you cannot walk then crawl. If you cannot crawl then roll but do not stop until your heart contracts one last time and that electric force in you is freed to soar into realities we cannot possibly comprehend, within ourselves, as we are here.

When I am so full of love there is no one to give it to I send it out into the nothingness of everything on the wings of song while I think of the beautiful faces and amazing minds that are linked to mine and I know I am never alone no matter how alone I am. Prayers and intent are sent, with every direction of every cell, to pour wealth, success and happiness, even on those I cannot stand because I know very well there are those who cannot stand me.

If it is the eve of the ‘end’ or the dawn of the beginning makes no difference to the circle we stand in.

I love you God. I love you with every tear and every laugh and every sin and every good deed and everything you made me to be. I love you God like I never loved any human being on this earth because when I am alone here and there is NOTHING but me and silence YOU are here!

My reason to be.
My greatest love.

(With a nod to Martin Luther King for an idea)

Torsion

Wear this!

Wretched cloak of flesh
Excoriated upon the leather

“Consequences!”

Hubris
Worn like light armour
Iris wide
Gleaning light from night
In glowing hues

Careless

Tossed the phrase almost forgotten
Haunting me with reality
Cruelty meted met and meshed
Created

Into this

To suffer for my sins on earth
Some say it’s Hell
Purgatorius perhaps
Better here than the hereafter?

After we are all here
What are we here after?

It is a Joke you know
This twist of fate and time
Unfolding joint by joint by joint
Into everywhere at once?
From torc to torque to torsion torture
To twist to turn and meet yourself

Coming and going
Unknowing

The Land of Walls: Facebookia

It is asking me what is on my mind again and I have it set to ‘only me’, while I type, in case I don’t like it after I hit ‘post’.

Life is getting better in many ways. It is getting more challenging in many ways. It seems like I interact here to see and hear so much horrible stuff and I am thinking that even if there were over 200 mass shootings there had to be AT LEAST 200,000 GOOD things that happened in this nation alone.

We are so zeroed in on everything horrible.

It seems like we are on a collective guilt-trip if we get too happy while the world is going to hell but IS IT going to hell or is that just the news?

OK OK there are some really crummy-ass things going on no doubt but also no doubt this place makes us schizo! I realized that not very long ago when I was looking at another person’s ‘wall’, (oh how Pink Floyd goes through my head right now), and there were bombed babies and sad faces right next door to cute kittens and extreme sports and it became apparent that we are all GM’s of our own ‘news-stations’.

When we post these things what are we actually DOING, (besides getting an emotional response of some kind), that changes the world? Share this goat for no reason? I am not saying that we should never share our collective consciousness because that kind of sharing is a GOOD thing! When we do that one side of the world gets to meet the other side of the world and find out we are all pretty much the same BUT, (I read a famous essay once full of ‘but’s’ but I can’t find it), why do we share what we share? As I got around to looking at stuff I saw I was pretty much doing the same thing as everyone else.

I wonder what would happen if we realized the power of this media outlet above and beyond being the ‘postman’? When we write our own stuff and publish our own photos and share recipes and all the good stuff that has value in the real world then this is a good place. If you use it to raise money for orphans or teach someone another language or share art-forms, (yes even politics is an art-form), then maybe some good comes from it; but if all that happens at the end of the day is the idea that the world is hopeless and we should all just curl up and quit caring for reality while we let it eat us alive, maybe we should rethink why we are here and what our purpose is…????

Questions I will try to remember before I post:

1) Will this change the world for the better?
2) Will this teach someone something worth learning?
3) Will this direct people towards the ‘good, the true and the beautiful’?
4) Will this be a way to show humanity it’s errors in a way that is constructive instead of destructive?

Just some ideas…just thinking too much

The Djinn’s Daughter

When it was written before you were born
When from the womb ripped out squeezed and torn
A vision was that such a peaceful light
Would fall upon a changeling child of night
One human never knowing half was part elf
Otherworldly apart from self
Made from fire wrapped in white cloak
The Angels almost laughed upon the joke
But stopped realizing what was allowed
Would have one of themselves wrapped in shroud
To taste what only mortals have to fear
The laughter died as one by one shed tear
A surety that God could end them all
One girl half human wrapped within a pall
So they made a council and decided
That in the human world never plighted
Never trothed never mother never woman
Though allotted that being born ‘human’
For those who would truly her want to wed
She would be made only for them to bed
And any she would marry would be cursed
Until they set her free or her soul burst
And while the heavens fought over her fate
The subject of the machinations state
That those who cared so much made one life hell
Or heaven too as much as she could tell
So it was finally agreed so to be fair
That when time came she’d marry fire there
The world never knew what to make of her
All she really could be for one was ‘lover’
Or more than one or maybe even many
And sometimes for a decade no not any
For from this hybrid woman most men ran
Very few could see her as an equal man
Or know what category she would fit
That was the long and tall and short of it

I Need To Change My Name To ‘Sinbad’

I think my name should be ‘Sinbad’ because I sin bad all the time!

Now I have a reason for this: I am alone for many years BUT I had a reason for it when I wasn’t alone too because when you share space with someone who is drunk, drugged or gay you also end up angry enough to sin. So I must be Sinbad because no matter what my life is when I decide to do it I do bad so well!

Now don’t get me wrong I don’t do this all the time. I am like ‘Lancelot’ in ‘Camelot’: I spend the whole movie being pristine perfect and just when everyone is sure I am going to be good eternally I fall…

…big time! Now the higher a place you fall from the bigger you go SPLAT!

Here recently I have almost given up…I mean seriously when you leave your door unlocked at night hoping for a reason you don’t have to be held responsible and then verbally SMACK the crap outta someone for trying it online and then go write your own porno I mean heck…isn’t that the definition of hypocrite?

Sometimes I feel like Ella Fitzgerald singing, “Someone To Watch Over Me.”

No I don’t mean spiritual stuff I mean like real flesh and blood who is not drunk, stoned, smoking, or leaving after the dirty deed is done to go home to his (whatever there is at home) and if you think that means I know that scenario VERY WELL try this on…

… twice since 2004!

So it isn’t like I am bed hopping 24/7 or even hopping at all…as a matter of fact I hardly get any social action and when I DO have some it feels so over whelming I sleep for three days afterwards! OK now I am like looking forwards to Tuesday…now I have NO IDEA if anything is going to happen on Tuesday I mean, heck, it isn’t even here yet! Nothing might happen! If Something DOES happen I will be all mentally running in circles and screaming and throwing confetti but I will not die if nothing happens. Lots of guys over the years promised this thing or that thing and never cough up the things they promised and on the other hand a few guys (who are effing AWESOME) cough up what I need for nothing and ask for nothing and I would hug them and all that but they belong to awesome women and I don’t do that to other women if I know about it…I just pray that those awesome people get more and more happy and successful and leave my door unlocked at night sometimes…

…sick puppy huh???

What is sad is that no one comes through unlocked doors they try to beat the locked ones down and the only ones that are locked are on really pretty castles that have seen many many guests and the once that is free and unlocked hardly EVER has anyone sleep in it!

*wonders if it is the graffiti sprayed on the walls that keeps them out?*

Hey sometimes I even spruce my castle up and paint it and all that stuff and take photos of it I can’t post online, because I am a hypocrite and all, and then, ready to show the world a lovely castle (once or twice a year) go to someplace to show-case and LIB ain’t NO ONE thar to see it t’all! So I hose off the paint and all the lights and frills and get back to the old ruined castle mode and THEN someone wants to see it and by that time old Sinbadi in her castle is all ‘Get Lost Mo’Fo!” until the next year around the same time!

Then I usually kick back and write a whole romance,with sex and everything, post it on my blog which no one reads and then shortly after that, I look at this one angel-faced guy who is like *faints* and feel guilty as hell and take the story back down and save it for later like a hypocrite…

Man you KNOW you are so ‘NOT SCREWED’ when the last guy you asked to marry you said “No!” and he NEEDS help really bad and is a GOOD LONG TERM FRIEND!¬†

…Yeah I need to change my name to ‘Sinbad.’

LOL!

The End Of Main Street

“Come…sit next to me.” I patted the cement curb next to me on the last mile out of town. The freeway went on past what seemed like forever on the vast old prairie. He sat down. No one seemed to notice us in the cold sunset. Cars bulleted past until the stars began to open their eyes. Then the world became quiet. He was like unplayed music. I followed his dark eyes as they looked over the long road outlined in ghostly white. We sat there on the end of Main Street where the town ended saying nothing. There was something comfortable about the silence. It was as if we knew each others thoughts without trying.

I had never really met him before…or maybe I had met him many times in many places and just never remembered. Either way the space of time was fine with me. A few minutes in eternal present was enough. He looked at me and smiled without reservation.

The joy was enough for a lifetime.

He got up and started to walk away towards his destiny. I wanted to follow but his destiny was not mine. I watched him disappear into the night.

Somewhere in the distance a flute played…or perhaps it was a lark? I, too, got up off the curb and picked up a stick that had fallen from a tree by the high way. I used it to twist the ‘bob wires’ on the fence, that ran the length the eye could see along the road, and then I bent my body, carefully, and slid between the wires and started off across the farm fields. I, too, disappeared into the night.

If You Will

If you
Will

Smile

For what I send
With good intent
I feel the smile
Never
Needing your face
You are
Let me
Walk
Next to you
Into
Dreamscapes
Here we
Will drink

The Wild Unknown
Drunken
Step
In unison
Soul to soul
If you
Will

Smile